A Secretary Is Not A Toy

Gentlemen
Gentlemen.

A secretary is not a toy, no, my boy, not a toy
To fondle and dandle and playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy
No, a secretary is not, definitely not a toy.

You're absolutely right, Mr Bratt
We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr Bratt
It's a company rule, Mr Bratt.

A secretary is not a toy, no, my boy, not a toy
So do not go jumping for joy, boy
A secretary is not, a secretary is not
A secretary is not a toy.

A secretary is not a pet nor an Erector Set
It happened to Charlie McCoy, boy
They fired him like a shot
The day the fellow forgot a secretary is not a toy.

She's a highly specialized key component
Of operational unity
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the office community.

With a mother at home she supports
And you'll find nothing like her at FAO Schwarz.

A secretary is not to be used for play therapy
Be good to the girl you employ, boy
Remember no matter what neurotic trouble you've got
A secretary is not a toy.

A secretary is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string
Her pad is to write in and not spend the night in
If that's what you plan to enjoy, no.

The secretary you got is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte or you know what
Before you jump for joy, remember this, my boy
A secretary is not a tinker toy.