Adelaide's Lament

[NATHANICELY-NICELY:]
Look, Adelaide, you're gettin' yourself upset! You and I are gonna be alright.
After all, we love each other, and we're gonna get married!

[ADELAIDE:]
I don't believe you anymore.

[NATHANICELY-NICELY:]
But it's true! Oh, you'll get better tomorrow; come on!
Cheer up, honey, let's see that old smile!

[ADELAIDE:] Ahagh...

[NATHANICELY-NICELY:]
That's my girl, see you tomorrow!

[ADELAIDE:]
It says here...
The average unmarried female
Basic'lly insecure
Due to some long frustration
May react

With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract

In other words,
Just from waiting around
For that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure
The streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot
For whatever she's got
But it just won't work

If she's tired of getting the fish-eye
From the hotel clerk
A person
Can develop a cold

It says here...
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense
Shows a neurotic tendency
See not
Tendency see note
Oh, see note ah!

Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye,
The ear and the nose and throat

In other words,
Just from wond'rin'
Whether the wedding is on or off,
A person
Can develop a cough!

You can feed her all day
With the Vitamin A
And the Bromo Fizz
But the medicine never
Gets anywhere near
Where the trouble is!

If she's getting a kind
Of name for herself
And the name ain't "his"
A person
Can develop a cough

And further more
Just from stalling
And stalling and stalling
The wedding trip
A person
Can develop La grippe

When they get on a train
For Niag'ra
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga
For the fourteenth time
A person
Can develop La grippe

La grippe, La post nasal drip
With the wheezes
And the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip!
From a lack of community property
And a feeling she's getting too old
A person
Can develop
A bad, bad cold!
Atchum!