Cantina

[Verse 1:]
Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell, ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
Then I saw that there Cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?

Well I walked through the door and the music stopped dead
All manner of man and beast were staring at me
Seems just one week before
Their Twi-Lex slave girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next-best thing they'd seen.

[Chorus:]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man.

[Verse 2:]
Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My anus he destroyed, and now I got me hemorrhoids
They had to wrench him off my nuts with a Gaffi bar.

I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca I was smeared in Wookie caca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no.

[Chorus:]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man.

[Verse 3:]
Old Salacious Crumb's so small ya can't detect him
Before I knew it he shoved himself straight in my rectum
And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my anus
Now I got an anal car alarm and I can't disconnect 'em.

Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker 'till it wasn't so teenie
He took me into Jabba's hut, He stared intently at my butt
And he oo-ta-too-ta'd me with his zucchini.

[Chorus:]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
Take it away boys!

[Verse 4:]
Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you"
I said, "sorry"
He said "I don't like ya neither ya better watch yourself"
(I think his name was Tom Waits)
And then some old dude who taught Vader chopped his arm off with a saber
But later made for one red hot anal invader.

I was broken on the floor beat to a stuper
But then I was saved! There at the door were ten Stormtroopers
But then my hope faded away. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns stormtrooping me in the pooper.

[Chorus:]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
Which is why I still go there every week.