Day One

[Alarm Clock]
Who is that?
Who is that?
Emerging from his burrow?
Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow?
Shaman of the shadows
[RADIO DJ #1]
Springer of the spring
Come on
[RADIO DJ #1]
Is it a squirrel?
Is it a beaver?
[RADIO DJ #1]
Kinda both
[RADIO DJ #1]
But not quite either!
[RADIO DJ #1]
That's right, woodchuck-chuckers, it's
[RADIO DJ #1]
Groundhog Day!
[RADIO DJ #1]
We're here live from Gobbler's Knob talking about everything! Weather
[RADIO DJ #2]
Predictions
[RADIO DJ #1]
Tempurature
[RADIO DJ #2]
The weather
[RADIO DJ #1]
It's just nuts!
[RADIO DJ #2]
Totally wacky!
[RADIO DJ #1]
That's our town on February 2nd
[RADIO DJ #2]
I mean what could be crazier than groundhogs in February?

[Phone]
Good morning, this is your wake up call

[PHIL]
Thank you

[Phone]
Happy Groundhog Day

[PHIL]
Yeah, happy Groundhog Day..

[RADIO DJ #1]
By the way, that's a great hat you're wearing
[RADIO DJ #2]
Thanks! I made it myself

[PHIL]
Lumpy bed, ugly curtains
Pointless erection

[RADIO DJ #1]
There's talk of a blizzard
[RADIO DJ #2]
Well, it's cold enough
[RADIO DJ #1]
How cold would you say it is?
[RADIO DJ #2]
Oh, I'm no good at science

[PHIL]
Dried flowers, damp towels
No reception

[RADIO DJ #2]
Doesn't matter how cold it is, it's how cold you feel
[RADIO DJ #1]
You know, you lose up to eighty percent of your body heat through your head?
[RADIO DJ #2]
Screw that

[PHIL]
Small towns, tiny minds
Big mouths, small ideas

[RADIO DJ #1]
Gooooo Chucks!

[PHIL]
Shallow talk, deep snow
Cold fronts, big rears

[RADIO DJ #1]
Let's change the subject. Now, how cold was it last year?
[RADIO DJ #2]
In degrees?
[RADIO DJ #1]
I heard they don't even use degrees in Europe
[RADIO DJ #2]
That's a good point
[RADIO DJ #1]
Great point
[RADIO DJ #2]
Lotta mysteries out there

[PHIL]
One bar, one store, one clock

[RADIO DJ #1]
The mysteries of the universe!

[PHIL]
One diner, one bank, one cop

[RADIO DJ #1]
But right now, the question on everyone's lips

[RADIO DJ #2]
Chapped lips

[RADIO DJ #1]
Do you think Phil will see his shadow? What's your prediction?

[PHIL]
I mean, what's not to like in a quaint little place like this?
Who doesn't dig a crocheted pillowcase like this?
Watercolors of bucolic vistas
Painted by octogenarian spinsters
And all of the people just getting together
For relentless analysis of the weather
Their dumb superstitions and vacuous chat
I'm sure there was a pack of Xanax in this jacket
You couldn't pay me to stay here one more night
Swear that there is no check you could write that might
Tempt me to stay and wake up in the morning in

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney

[PHIL]
There's nothing more depressing than
Small Town U.S.A.
And small don't come much smaller than
Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day

[PHIL]
There's nothing more
depressing than
Small Town U.S.A.
And small don't come much smaller than
Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day [TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney
Pennsylvania
U.S.A
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh

Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day
[PHIL]
I've not a bad word to say about small towns per se
They're nice for an hour or at a stretch, half a day
And they're perfect for a stop-off on your way
On your way to somewhere else
Pretty much anywhere else

And I've no qualm at all
With your small-town people
I admire their balls
Getting out of bed at all
To face another day in a shit-hole this small
All haystacks and horses where there should be golf courses
And one bar, one store, one clock
One diner, one bank, one cop

How can they bear it
To live in a place like this?
Separate from the whole human race like this?
One little store selling plaid shirts and rakes
And it's huntin' and fishin' and half-pounder steaks
And if I have a hope of a better career than this
This is the last time I'm broadcasting here
Jesus
I have been forecasting too many years
To be talking to hicks about magical beavers

When I'm done, gonna call up the station
And tell them I'm through with this crap
And never again will I wake in the morning in

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney
Is a little town
With a heart as big as any town
As any small town in the U.S.A.
And there is no town greater than
Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day

[PHIL]
Tomorrow I'll wake and I'll call up the station
And tell them I'm not coming back
And never again will I wake in the morning in

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Every morning I wake to the dawning of

[PHIL]
Never again will I wake in the morning in

[PHIL & TOWNSPEOPLE]
Punxsutawney

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Is a little town
With a heart as big as any town

[PHIL]
There's nothing more depressing than
Small Town U.S.A.
And there is no town smaller
Punxsutawney on Groundhog

There's nothing more depressing than
Small Town U.S.A.
And there is no town smaller than

Punxsutawney on
Punxsutawney on
Punxsutawney on

Just kill me now [TOWNSPEOPLE]

As any small town
In the U.S.A.
There is no town greater than
Punxsutawney

A heart as big as any town
As any small town
In the U.S.A.
And there is no town greater than

Punxsutawney on
Punxsutawney on
Punxsutawney on
Groundhog

Day!
[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Who is that?
Who is that?
Emerging from his burrow?
Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow?
Shaman of the shadows
Springer of the spring
Is it a squirrel?
Is it a beaver?

[BUSTER]
Kinda both
But not quite either!

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
All the meteorologists
The world has ever known
Cannot match this little guy's uncanny skill
We can guess but we won't know
If we should dress for sun or snow
Until we hear it from old Punxsutawney Phil!

[BUSTER]
Every year for a hundred years
We've bent our heads and lent our ears
To listen to his famed prognostication

Lucky for you, I speak with ease
Both English and Groundhog-ese
Please stand-by for imminent translation

[ELDERS]
This brown log contain-eth
One groundhog, the famous
Phillip of Punxsutawney
Gifted sniffer of future mornings

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
The finest specimen you will find
Of Rodentia: Sciuridae
Our own uncanny whistle-pig
The ground-est hog that ever lived
A hundred years and he is still
The pride of Punxsutawney
The prophet of PA
Prognosticatin' Punxsutawney Phil

Who is that?
Who is that?
Emerging from his burrow?
Who can see today what we won't see until tomorrow?
Shaman of the shadows
Springer of the spring
Is it a squirrel?
Is it a beaver?

[BUSTER]
Kinda both
But not quite either

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
All the meteorologists
The world has ever known
Cannot match this little guy's uncanny skill
We can guess but we won't know
If we should dress for sun or snow
Until we hear it from old Punxsutawney Phil!

[BUSTER]
Punxsutawney Phil, seer of seers
Prognosticator of prognosticators
Has declared in Groundhog-ese
That he did indeed see his shadow
Six more weeks of winter!

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Awwwww
Yaaay!

[TOWNSPEOPLE]
All the meteorologists
The world has ever known
Cannot match this little guy's uncanny skill
We can guess but we won't know
If we should dress for sun or snow
Until we hear it from Punxsutawney Phil

[RITA HANSON]
February 2nd
First remote broadcast
GHD in Punx, PA

[RITA]
Unexpected weather
Seems we're staying here for another night
Which is kinda fine
It's a sweet town and
People are kind and
The bartender's kind of hot
Hopefully, tomorrow
The roads will be cleared
And we can go home

Working with Phil Connors
They all told me he would be an asshole
And he is

Luckily he's funny-ish
Thinks he's too good for this [TOWNSPEOPLE]
Tomorrow
Spring will come, and then

There will be blue skies, my friend

Tomorrow
There will be sun

And if not tomorrow

Perhaps the day aaaaaa-
[TOWNSPEOPLE]
Tomorrow, spring will come, and then
There will be blue skies, my friend
Bright eyes and laughter
Tomorrow, there will be sun
But if not tomorrow
Perhaps the day aaaaa-