Destruction

I realize I hate myself, where did I go?
I'm not the one I want to be, so I have work to do
Think and chew and see the truth of my reality
Find a way to fix me and my self-destructive ways.

How do I get from A to B, what do I need to do?
To get out all of my traumatizing thoughts of me and you
I thought I knew but then I don't, where do I go from here?
Who am I and what do I want, the questions I must answer.

Why do I end up in these self-destructive patterns
I hurt you but it hurts me and the fault is mine to bear
I wish I could accept the truth and get over myself
Feel like I do is not a self-preserving wealth.

I try to solve my problems by denying all of it
But as I sink in deeper it gets angry bit by bit
I scream and shout and blame you instead of blaming me
You try to open up my eyes but I just fail to see.

I cut myself as if it would help
Me accepting who I am
But that won't make a difference
Cause it's all in my head
Destroy yourself
Destroying me.

Once again I
Fuck up, only to start over
This is killing me
I try to put on a happy face but fail in my attempt
Pretending to be what I never was
Can't live up to my own dreams
I drown but try to hold on
Not feeling like I do is nothing I can fake.

Why do I make myself hurt in my masochist ways?
I wound you but it is wounds me
And there's no one else to blame
I wish I could go back in time and fix what's come to pass
But can't undo the damage, mending up our broken hearts.

I try to run away but I am running in a circle
Getting lost as always I'm despairing tad by tad
I push and hate and doubt you instead of doubting me
You fail to talk some sense in my 'cause I refuse to hear.

I cut myself as if it would help
Me accepting who I am
But that won't make a difference
Cause it's all in my head
Destroy yourself
Destroying me.

I want to change
Become the best that I can be
I'll find my way
Don't call me a liar
Where's my second chance?

I might fall to pieces
The truth is hard to hear.

Why?
Why do I put myself through drama time and time again?
I need to be okay with being me to the very end
Find a way to love me for the person who I am
Don't look back, don't but into the fact
That I'm destroying myself piece by piece
Tearing me down where I can't breathe
Help me to my feet and stand once more.

I cut myself as if it would help
Me accepting who I am
But that won't make a difference
Cause it's all in my head
Destroy yourself
Destroying me.

I need to end this self-destruction or it'll be the end of me.