Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future
Sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice
Has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth
Oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
And recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you
And how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future
Or worry
But know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long
And in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters
Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees
You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40
Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
Enjoy your body
Use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents
You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings
They are the best link to your past
And the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go
But for the precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
Because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once
But leave before it makes you hard
Live in Northern California once
But leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise
Politicians will philander
You too will get old
And when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable
Politicians were noble
And children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy
But be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off
Painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.