I Know It's Today

Settle in, girls, it's story time
There's a princess in a tower
Oh, my gosh, that's just like me
Poor Rapunzel needs a haircut
But the witch won't set her free.

She passes time by singing
Like someone else I know
As years go by she sits and waits
As years go by? Uh oh.

A torturous existence
I don't remember this part
She wishes she were dead
Skip ahead, skip ahead.

But in the end Rapunzel
Finds a millionaire
The prince is good at climbing
And braiding golden hair.

So I know, he'll appear
'Cause there are rules
And there are strictures
I believe the storybooks
I read by candlelight.

My white knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures
It won't be long now, I guarantee
Day number 23
I know it's today, I know it's today.

Oh, here's a good one, it's a classic
There's a princess in a comma
Glad it's her instead of me
Pretty maiden in a glass box
How I wonder does she pee?

Blah, blah, blah, poison apple
Boring, boring, evil queen
Filler, filler, been there, read that
Seven shorties on the scene
Skip ahead, skip ahead.

But in the end the princess
Wakes up with a start
The prince is good at kissing
And melting Snow White's heart.

So I know, he'll appear
And his armor will be blinding
As shining as his perfect teeth
And manly hose.

He'll propose on one knee
And our prenup will be binding
About time we set the wedding date
Day number 958
I know it's today, he'll show up today.

There's a princess, any princess
Take your pick, they're all like me
Not exactly, I'm still waiting
They're living happily.

Ever after, better get here
I want love in second's flat
No one needs these middle bits
Oops, did I do that?

Cut the villains, cut the vamping
Cut this fairytale
Cut the peril and the pitfalls
Cut the puppet and the whale.

Cut the monsters, cut the curses
Keep the intro, cut the verses
And the waiting, the waiting
The waiting, the waiting, the waiting.

But I know, he'll appear
Though I seem a bit bipolar
And I'm a vandal now as well
Though he won't mind.

I'm a find, I'm a catch
And a very gifted bowler
It won't be long now, I guarantee
Day number...

Are you there, God?
It's me, Fiona, it's me, Fiona.

Now I know, he'll appear
'Cause there are rules
And there are strictures
I believe the storybooks
I read by candlelight.

My white knight
My knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures
It won't be long now, I guarantee.

Day number 23
Day number 958
Day number 8423.

I know it's today, I know it's today
I know it's today, I know it's today
I know it's today, I know it's today
I know it's today.