Jerry Likes My Corn

Jerry likes the way I do my corn
Isn't he a treasure?
More corn!
Look at how he chows right through my corn
It's my only pleasure.

I boil it on the hot plate
Till all the juice is gone
Bless his soul
He knows which side my corn is buttered on.

Jerry lacks a mother's tender care
Nobody to need him
Mother's now are barely ever there
Someone's gotta feed him.

The kind of things that I like
His high school friends all scorn
Cottage cheese, chamomile
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
But, Jerry likes my corn
The things you do for me, Jerry
You're my Gibraltar
The corn is out of this world!

Oh, did I do it nicely?
He always compliments me on the way I do my corn!
Jerry is a son like my own two
Sons who never phone you
More salt'
Boys have more important things to do
After they disown you.

And though he hardly says much
I understand his grunts
'Hey' means 'hi'
'Yo' means 'yes'
Believe me, he's no dunce!

Anything that breaks he knows which tool
Jerry is a fixer
Not her
Happy hour starts right after school
Jerry, have a mixer.

He tells me things the kids like
And I just feel reborn
Mountain Dew, Super Bowl,
Sex and drugs and rock n' roll
But, most of all, my corn.

Jerry, you know what I'd like? Some music. I'm happier when I'm singing than anything I've ever done since I was
born. See if you can find that song. Oh, you know the one I just adore.

Let me help, Mother Darling, I'm extremely organized. I know exactly where to look for that record'
No! Let Jerry
I've got it under control, kid, I can find it
Jerry can find things in his house--right on this bed--you couldn't find for half an hour
I'm so sick of that kid! I mean, I have great pity for him and I like him
The trouble is she's madly in love with him. Oh, pardon me, but it's true.

Well, he might as well leave right now cause he's never gonna get it so that's it!
Get what' Sex with you
That's all they're after! That's all they're after!
An old person like you' Good god!
Tomcats! All of 'em! So you might as well tell him right now to forget about it
Jerry doesn't want any sex with you
Jerry likes his own age.

Oh yes!
Kids at seventeen do not pursue
Relics of the stone age
Believe me, I can tell these things!

Jerry doesn't want any sex with you
Jerry isn't crazy
Adolescent girls now are easy lays
Same as Edie in her awkward phase.

Jerry has a new girl every night
And not a one of them have cellulite'
He's gonna be here for years and years and years'
He doesn't want any sex with you! Get out of here!
I want the people I want in this house!
Go away! You're making me very angry!

Jerry doesn't fight like two fish wives
Jerry likes relaxing
(Me too)
Now and then we play my forty-fives
Hear the old sad sax sing.

No picnic growing older
Abandon and forlorn
Stuck in bed, stiff with gout
Alcoholic drinks are out
You'll die!
The doctor's warn
Then quick as a wink
I'm in the pink
'Cause Jerry likes my corn.