Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday

And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents
a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos.

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold
December night huddled around the camp fire.

How 'bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.

Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thou branched?

Why am I getting blipped again?
Haven't you heard guys? You can't say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can't say Chri-biip-mas?
No you might offend somebody
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiip and the biiiip and the atheists
What?
Time to politically correct.

I'll lead this off.

On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me?

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can't say Chri-biip-mas
Why not?
You can say biiiip on the last record
Why can't I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didn't make the rules
Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult
all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say
I'm dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday
Why did I get blipped?
You've got to say Caucasian
So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won't offend anybody.

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay.

Why do these people have to feel that way?
How come they get offended so easily?

It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

I'm just trying to come up with a song here
Let's sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready
Bill your ready?
I'm ready
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we've traveled real far.

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now
What?
Oh, come on just try.

We three kings of Asia are.

That sounds like horse biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How 'bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people
And you can't say drummer 'cause that will offend real musicians.

How 'bout little town of meddle hell
What's this with all the short jokes?

Hey how 'bout we do Silent Night?
No, it'll offend people who's hard to hear and afraid of the dark
What did he say about a shark?
Shark?

This happens every year.

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

Hohoho!
No
I can't say ho?
No you might offend some women
So basically we can't sing anything?

I think that a bunch of bull biiiip
Softer George it's more effective
I think that a bunch of bull biiiip
You now what? I don't care who we offend
I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols
Louder man it's more effective
I don't care who we offend
I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols
Me too.

We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas
we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.

We can't say new, it'll offend the old folks
And you never wanna offend them.