My Picture In The Papers

[HELEN]
Oh it's grand to see my picture in the papers
I adore a life that has a dash of spice
My reputation's battered
But it really hasn't mattered
Every lad about is mad about this bird of paradise!

Let the proper girls stay home and get the vapors
For me just put some bubbly on the ice
My future may be stormy, dear
But heavens, don't reform me, dear
I'm nicer as a nice girl who is really not too nice!

[MEN ABOUT TOWN]
Oh it's grand to see her picture in the papers

[HELEN, in vaudeville style]
Looking ultra physical
And slightly aphrodisical

[MEN]
We adore a girl who has a dash of spice

[HELEN]
Mother may I go out to swim?
Where oh where is peeping Jim?

[MEN]
Her reputation's battered
But it seems it hasn't mattered
Every lad about is mad about that bird of paradise!

[HELEN]
Denounce me in the Capitol
But I don't care a rap at all

[MEN]
Let the proper girls stay home and get the vapors

[HELEN, doing a high kick]
You should really see me, dear
Swinging from a chandelier!

[MEN]
For her just put some bubbly on the ice

[HELEN]
Pol Roget and Veuve Cliquot
Swing your partner do si do

[MEN]
Her future may be stormy, dear

[HELEN]
But heavens, don't reform me, dear
I'm nicer as a nice girl who is really not too nice!

[ULYSSES]
Helen, come back before it is too late!

[MENELAUS, whirling]
Bring back all the china and the silver plate!

[THE BOYS]
Helen, come back
There's trouble piling up
Don't leave hearth and husband
For a worthless city pup

[ULYSSES]
Come home, Helen
All will be forgiven

[MENELAUS]
Come home, Helen
'Cause I miss you so

[ULYSSES and the boys]
Come home, Helen
All will be forgotten!

[HELEN]
Thank you for the offer, boys
Thank you, but No.

[HELEN, off-stage]
Oh it's grand to see my picture in the papers
I adore a life that has a dash of spice ...