(On Tuesdays She Used To Do) Yoga

On Tuesdays she used to do yoga
While I'd sit and watch the box
In a vegetable way
But always ready to say
To myself that I was an artist
Implying that she was not.

It's funny the way that self-pity
Can take over from self-esteem -
Well I was the prince of pride
And though I'd cheat I never lied
As if that were enough to make her happy
As if that could satisfy her dreams.

Too late now to say that I'm so sorry
Too late to say that I can change and mend
The things that hurt
She didn't need to worry
She always knew I'd get there in the end.

Now I'm tying myself up in contortions
Don't know if yoga will do me any good
It's about time I tried
Though I'd rather be inside from the cold
Studying tantra -
Still I never did that when I could.

I never did the things that really mattered
There seemed to be some key I couldn't find
To unlock myself
I could have done it with her help
But I was too busy scrabbling for each moment -
Now I don't know what I did with all the time.

Sometimes I'd play the wild rover
Sometimes I'd just get smashed all day
On Tuesdays she used to do yoga
On Tuesday she went away.