Patient

Alone
Yet so many voices unceasingly chatter
I awake behind window bars in a room so white
Cold like melting frost in this summers night.

There is nothing that can hold my weight
Nothing to slip around my neck to end this misery
Not even the dignity of suicide is given to me.

Why can't you all be fucking silent?

So I can think... the blinding light and the sterile smell comes over me
Take this pill. Worship this god. Wear a smile. Lie to the world
Everything is alright
No, you can't leave (Not until our pockets are full).

Scars run so deep
A ghost of me is all you will see
The burns from a rope I never tied
The scars on wrists I never cut: Made by the life I didn't want.

Healed by the life I would one day lead
There is hope somewhere beneath all this death
The final exhalation could be a newborn's first breath
Somewhere in the final resting place of a rotten old tree: Amanitas are growing.

This is where I will be
A place where scars are beautiful
Where sanity and insanity meet
That is where I will be.