The Bottom Line

Gentlemen, we need to sell more papers
There's an answer right before your eyes
But you're just not thinking this through
Nuzio knows when
He's cutting my hair
Trip a bit here and then
Trim a bit there
Just a modest adjustment
Can fatten the bottom line.

What if we cut back personnel?
How about a few salary trims?
We could lower the price of the paper.

Bankrupt8ing me even faster!
Let me try again shaving is tricky
The razor should float
Shave me too close and you
May slit my throat
It's the simplest solutions
That bolster the bottom line.

I've got it!
If we charge the newsies sixty cents per hundred instead of fifty
They'd have to sell ten more papers just to earn the same amount as always
My thought exactly. It's genius
It's gonna be awfully rough on those children.

They'll be learning a real life lesson in economics
I couldn't offer them a better education if they were my own
Give me a week and i'll train them to be
Like an army that's
Marching to war
Proud of themselves and so
Grateful to me
They'll be begging to pay even more!
When there's dirt on our
Shoes, boys, for god's sake, relax!
Why throw them out?
All we need is some wax
Listen well to these barbershop lessons
For they'll see you through.

When you're stuck in the muck you'll be fine
You'll erase any trace of decline
With a trim
And a snip bunsen and a shine!

And the pow'r of the press
Yes! Once again is mine!
The price for the newsies goes up in the morning!
Just a few common cents
Gents, that's the bottom line!
Every new outcome
It's income for you
Thanks to that bottom line!