The Five-Fifteen

Sorry to interrupt your rehearsal, Ma'am, but about Mr. Beale surely he's coming home for the party?

I should say so! He's announcing his daughter's engagement!
Wall Street will have to do without him for a day!

Mister Beale thinks making money matters more
Than a restful family summer by the shore
But unless some act of God divine
Derails the New York-Montauk line
He's arriving on the five-fifteen!

Then I'll have the car waiting at the station

Auntie Edith! Auntie Edith!

Girls, girls! Just look at you! Jackie, lovely, and Lee, a fright! What have you been doing?

Sing for us, Aunt Edith!

Now girls, make yourselves useful; go out to the garden, make some pretty little nosegays to wear at the party.

Please!
Puh-lease! Just one song!
All right, Gould. What's next on the bill? "Indian Love Call"?
No, the mysterious Orient!
Hit it!

Pretty itty bitty geisha
Delicate and small and sweet
Kneeling on tatami
Making origami
Hobbling on her poor bound feet.

Ooo! Eeoww!
Chimmy-chimmy-chow-chew!
Coo-chee koo-chee koo!

Pity itty bitty geisha
Hiding all her foolish pride.

Let your Auntie Edith
Finish her rehearsal
Take your silly selves outside
Scoot!
Utter terrors, those two!

I just adore children. Especially grown ones
Ma'am. The caterer's arrived. Where would you like him to set up-?

Put the chafing dishes on the garden ledge
Once the gardener has finished with the hedge.
Chill the vichyssoise and heat the veal
And wish me luck 'cuz Mister Beale
Is arriving on the five-fifteen!

What time is it?
Half past eleven.

Good Lord!
One o'clock!
Set the chairs and the tables!
Two o'clock!
Raise the big white tent!
Three o'clock!
Reginaldo does our hair!

Now that sounds promising
Four o'clock!
Hang the Japanase lanterns!
Five o'clock!
Mix the champagne punch!

[Jackie & Lee]
Pick the inchworms off the peonies!

Pink umbrellas for the daiquiris!
The Ambassador and Rose will tour the grounds
"Like a spread from House & Garden," she expounds.

Oh, how "nouveau riche"
Have the piano tuned and moved outdoors
By cocktail hour
Mine, not yours
And restrict yourself to grenadine.

Nyah, nyah
You cannot be sloshed
At five-fifteen
Beale residence, hold please. Lady from "The Hamptons Bee"

Why hello Margaret! Yes, darling, half past five. Well, everyone, simply le tout Park Ave. and la creme de Hyannis! Well,
the press table's going to be awfully crowded... but if you don't mind sharing a folding chair with "Harper's Bazaar"...
Sing? Me? Heavens no, it's Edie's day, not mine... Although people can be so insistent, and I hate to disappoint. Twist my
arm, blackmail me, threaten my very life, and who knows? You might get a verse or something... Yes, darling, half past!
(Hangs up, asks all)
Where were we?

One o'clock!
Stake the droopy hydrangeas!
Two o'clock!
Fill the lotus pond!
Three o'clock!
Lock the cat up in its room!
Four o'clock!
Glaze the salmon in aspic!
Five o'clock!

Crack the crab on ice!
With the privet pruned and manicured
And my daughter's future well assured
Grey Gardens will be decked out in its prime!

Bright as a Liberty dime!
Little Edie will be here with Joe in time!

Hear them chapel bells chime!
Like a Norman Rockwell family
Our photo in "The Hamptons Bee"!

The event of 1941!
Of East, West, South, and Bridge Hampton!

Though perhaps I've overspent a bit
The man who's gonna pay for it
Is arriving on the five-fifteen!