The Legacy

You may feel bad for a while
But it's better far this way
For I am much too good a showman
To dwindle like a snowman
Melting down one sunny day
My office one overflowed
With celebrities galore
I ruled Broadway like a king
But now what lies in store?

Boys, can't you see it? Oh God
I can see a lonely shuffling figure
Haunting Shubert Alley.
"It's Crazy Oscar", hear them cry!
"Get Officer O'Malley"!
I meant no harm. Please help me up!
Where are my pencils? Where are my cup?
Oh thankyou lad, I'll move along.

Pencils. Pencils. Who'll buy my pencils?
Crazy OscarТs song
You wouldn't want to see me that way.
Boys, I know when I've had my day
My story ends
The dramaТs through
I leave my worldly possessions to you.

To you I leave my cape and my fedora
To you I leave my mustache wax
To you I leave an ostrich fan from Flora Dora
To you I leave my unpaid income tax
To you I leave my bust of Henry Irving
To you I leave my headache pills
To you, my set of Theodore Dreiser
My portrait of the Kaiser
And a ten foot stack of unpaid bills.

And when you hear a lonely whistle blowing
Some future time while riding through the night
Could be that whistle is your dear departed Oscar
Calling "Boys letТs meet at Luchow's for a bite"
To you I leave my Japanese kimono
To you I leave my cane and spats
To you I leave a worn out record of "Ramona"
To you I leave my gravy stained cravats
To you I leave my letters to the critics
To you I leave a large false nose
To you my bowl of red wax cherries
A wig of Ellen TerryТs
And some ticket stubs from УAbieТs Irish Rose.

Boys, boys, dry your eyes
I don't want to see you weeping
I want smiles!
And pride in the memories of your association with me
Some day in the future, when you are feeling low...
I want you to go to your closet, and when you open that door...

Take out my cape and my fedora
And put it on and think of me
And call to mind my charismatic aura
And the legacy I left to thee!