The Matrimonial Stomp

Dearly beloved,
we is gathered her today HE'S STARTIN' TO
DEARLY BELOVED
To put an unfortunate, muzzuble critter away. BETTER' HE WUZ HUNG FIRST.

Remember poor Adam who got married and so it began,
That mizzuble race of creatures known as the married man. MARRIED MAN.

Then think about Sampson who was Israel's strongest male. THE STRONGEST
Till little Delilah went and give him a pony-tail. "PONY-TAIL"

State yo objections,
O' forever hold yo' peace, HE'S TELLIN' YOU!
STATE YOUR OBJECTIONS
You's singin' a genuine. Iron-clad, permanent lease. NEVER NO ESCAPE CLAUSE

Don't let me influence you in say'in those fatal words. FATAL WORDS!
Just let me remind you, getting married is for the birds. FOR THE BIRDS!

You gets up at the crack of dawn. THAT'S RIGHT!
Slops the hogs and y' mows the lawn. POOR SOUL!
Saws the wood and reforms the chores, UNN HUNNH!
While the rainy and wet out doors "A-CHEW"
You comes home to familiar scenes, AH, YES!
And a plate of familiar beans, "OH, NO"!
There's twenty-two screamin' kids, ALL MINE?
Makin' both of you flip yo' lids, WHAT ELSE?
You is jumpin' out of your skin, YOUR NERVES!
Then yo' mother-in-law moves in, FOR GOOD?
There's no place to rest yo' head, NO SIR!
'Cause there's other folks in yo' bed UNKNOWNS!
You has got to escape the noise FAT CHANCE!
So you has a drink with the boys 'BOUT TIME!
You proceeds to the Old Brass Rail, YOUR CHECK!
The police man throws you in jail, NO DOUGH!
You can't get a cent from your wife,
They incarcerate you for life,

Now, if you still wants this little gal as yo' lawful mate.
By the powers invested, I pronounce you man and ... WAIT!