Val Kilmer

I always thought my movie
Would be a comedy
Not quite the tragedy that its become
More slapstick than chickflick
More Caddyshack than Breakfast At Tiffany's
So, thank me at the podium
For a lifetime of contribution
Turn on the cameras
Someone cue the extras
Hair and makeup to the set.

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
'bout a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl.

So if you miss my movie
Get the DVD
Check out the chemistry
Between you and me
Less 'Raising Arizona'
More 'Steel Magnolias'
So when you walk down that red carpet
I hope you trip and fall
I hope someone squirts you with a watergun
A super soaker filled with pee.

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl.

All apologies
To Kevin Costner
and that chick from monster
Give me Adam Sandler
Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer
He was funny in 'Real Genius'.

[Greg]
What about 'Top Gun'?
[Jaret]
No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny
[Greg]
Whatever.

Top secret was funny too
But he sucked as Batman.

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart.

Steven Spielberg's calling and he's sending a car
It's your big shot baby, you're the next big star
Of another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Who's falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
But in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl
I'm the guy that gets the girl.

Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, BRIGHTelushi and Akroid, Chris Farley, Bill Murray in 'Stripes'.
Eddie Murphy till 90, Chris Rock and John Candy, the cast of Hollywood Knights
Mike Myers, Jim Carrey and the Farelly Brothers are more my style
'Terms of Endearment' I didn't get it
I'd much rather shut up and smile.