Whatever You Like

[Intro: Weird Al Yankovic]
Hey girl, you know our economy's in the toilet
But I'm still gonna treat you right
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah.

[Hook One:]
Tater tots, Cold Duck on ice
And we can clip coupons all night
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah
Take you out for dinner, anywhere that you please
Like Burger King or Mickey D's
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can even have the large fries (large fries)
Yeah, yeah.

[Verse One:]
Baby you should know I am really quite a sweet guy
When I buy you bathroom tissue I always get the two-ply
Want it, you can get it, my dear
I got my Costco membership card right here
Yeah you like Top Ramen, need Top Ramen
Got a cupboard full of 'em, I'll keep 'em comin
You want it, I got it, go get it, just heat it
Dump the flavor packet on it and eat it.

[Hook Two:]
Pork and beans and Minute Rice
And we can play Cribbage all night
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah
I can take you to the laundromat downtown
And watch all the clothes go 'round and 'round
And baby we can go wherever you like (if you like)
I said we can go wherever you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah.

[Verse Two:]
Hottest shorty I know, if you had some lipo'
You could be second-runner-up Miss Ohio
Seven dollar bills rolled up inside my plastic billfold
Buy you a bagel even if it isn't day old
And you never ever gotta wear your sister's old clothes
As long as I'm still assistant manager at Kinko's
Cut your hair with scissors and a soup bowl
You ain't got to pay me, that's the way that I roll
My chick can have want she wants
At Wal*Mart she can pick out anything she want
I know girl you ain't never had a man like that
Who doesn't make you buy generic brand like that
Yeah you like my Hyundai, see my Hyundai
I can take you to see your cousin Phil next Sunday
But that's kind of far and I'm not made of cash
Do you think you could chip in for gas?

[Hook Three:]
Mac and cheese would be all right
But let's send out for pizza tonight
And you can order any toppings you like (if you like)
I said you can even have the last slice (last slice)
Yeah, yeah
Ran myself a cable from my neighbor next do'
Now I can get free HBO
And baby you can watch whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can watch whatever you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah.

[Verse Four:]
And you can always ride the city bus
Got a stack of tokens just for us
Yo my wallet's fat, and full of ones
It's all about the Washingtons, that's right
You want White Castle, need White Castle
Long as you got me it won't be no hassle
You want it, we'll get it, just don't be a hater
If I grab a bunch of napkins for later.

[Hook Four:]
Thrift store jeans on sale half-price
The underwear at Goodwill is nice
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah
Baby, I can give you anything you please
Even share my government cheese
And baby you can have as much as you like (if you like)
I said you can have as much as you like (if you like)
Yeah, yeah.