I Never Wanted This

Something old, something new
Something borrowed, something blue
Something blue-ish
Well, it's true-ish if you're Jewish at 32...ish
You've been waiting for this day!
Pantyhose, damn!
On this day of celebration where you've barely slept a wink
On this day of pure elation where you sure could use a drink
On this day of aggravation when you think...
I never wanted this
The creamy silk and satin
I never wanted this
The flowers and the fuss
What's the use of getting married?
Forget the wedding cake!

And cook the rice you plan to throw, 'cause you're making a mistake!
Do we pray and we fight for a wedding that is joyous?
For a day dressed in white that might quite possibly destroy us
So you dream of those vows you'll say, while you're throwing your life away all of this for a steady lay
I never wanted this!
Who wants all this attention?
I never wanted this
Make a noose and tie the knot
I never wanted to get married, never wanted to get married, never wanted to get married!
Jenny, take that veil off
You'll stretch it out so much it won't fit your sister
And I'm not
Who am I kidding?
I wouldn't fit into this if I was cremated
Jenny, I forgot did you cancel the panini station?
Yes
Well, call them back!
What kind of wedding doesn't have a panini station?
People will talk!