It Shoulda Been You

MURRAY: Marty Kaufman
MARTY: Murray!
Congratulations!
MURRAY: Me?
What did I do?
MARTY: Well- MURRAY: I got a good deal on this hall that's what I did
Half off the hoopa and a panini station
MARTY: Impressive
MURRAY: You're not going to do anything crazy are you Marty?
MARTY: Why would I?
MURRAY: What with you and Rebecca- MARTY: It's in the past Brian is- MURRAY: Oh he is
He's a terrific guy
It shoulda been you
MARTY: What?
MURRAY: It shoulda been you
MARTY: Right
MURRAY: Somebody I like who makes me laugh should take my daughter for a wife
It shouldn't be him!
I swear the guy can't tell a joke to save his life
He speaks Yiddish like he learned it from a nun
When he says 'so new'
If I had a gun!
It shoulda been you
JUDY: Murray the girls have disappeared!
MURRAY: Ah
So go find 'em I'm having a minute with Marty
JUDY: You're minute's up
Hello Marty
MARTY: What'd I do?
JUDY: My daughter breaks your heart and you don't have the decency to call me?
MARTY: Um
sorry?
JUDY: It shoulda been you
MARTY: Oh no
JUDY: And woulda been you if she only had the common sense to take my word that you were it
I told her "
He's always been around you might as well make him legit" Once you find a decent fit you keep him on
It shoulda been you
Instead of this John
MURRAY & MARTY: Brian
JUDY: He's got a tatto
Have you got a tatto Marty?
MARTY: No
JUDY: It shoulda been you!
MARTY: Uh I don't know what to say
To think that you'd want me in your family- JUDY & MURRAY: It's not too late
JUDY: Believe me they say that every bride has got some doubt
MURRAY: Exploit that and if that doesn't work just knock her out
BOTH: Do something!
You gotta save the day!
JUDY: Even just to know you tried will make me feel less suicidal
MARTY: Does Rebecca know you feel this way?
UNCLE MORTY: Who is this young man here?
MARTY: Uncle Morty how have you been?
UNCLE MORTY: I'm serious who are you?
MARTY: Marty Kaufman
Friend of Rebecca's?
UNCLE MORTY: Oh
It shoulda been you
MARTY: You too?
UNCLE MORTY: At least you're a Jew
MURRAY: Thank you!
UNCLE MORTY: I don't have a thing against the gentiles; I respect their heathen ways
MURRAY: But everyone knows you never marry when you're in your Golem phase
UNCLE MORTY: He's so white-bred he sweats mayonnaise
ALL: It's true
UNCLE MORTY: Of all of her men it shoulda been you
Who are you again?
JUDY: It's Marty remember?
UNCLE MORTY: I thought he was Lou
MARTY: Who's Lou?
JUDY: There is no Lou
JUDY & MURRAY: He didn't take his medication
UNCLE MORTY: It shoulda been Lou!
AUNT SHEILA: It's not too late believe me as long as there is love there will be hope
And these days monogamy is on a downward slope
This Brian could cheat another day
Maybe I should talk to him and see if he likes older women
Ha ha ha
MARTY: I'm sorry have we met?
MURRAY: This is my sister Sheila
AUNT SHEILA: I've heard so much about you
JUDY: Sheila Marty comes from a good family
MARTY: Thanks Mrs
Steinberg
JUDY: It shoulda been you
MARTY: On cue!
JUDY: Who's better than you?
MARTY: Lou
MURRAY: They tell me you own your own apartment and some land upstate
JUDY: You two woulda had the perfect children what with genes that great! (A CANON BEGINS) ALL: Made a matchless mate!
MARTY: Well it's been great!
Goodbye now
I know you're in demand it's really not what I had planned!
Rebecca like I thought you'd understand
Goodbye now let's not get out of hand
Hold it hold it just stop!
Can any of you even hear yourselves?
UNCLE MORTY: I certainly can't
ALL: Marty you don't know what you put us through!
It coulda it woulda it shoulda been you!