Ireland

PAULETTE
(spoken)
Elle do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions?
Love!

(sung) You're lost without your love
Your heart is on the floor
I can help you
I've been there before!
When I need to relax
I just put on some tracks
From this CD I bought for the store.

(Celtic chanting)

(spoken) Isn't that relaxing? It's called CELTIC MOODS!

(sung) See my mom was three quarters Italian
And my father I never knew
But my grandfather came from…Ireland!
The land where dreams come true!

ELLE (dubious)
Ireland?

PAULETTE (confident)
Ireland!
He said all Irish men are like heroes
They're descended from poets and kings
So I swore I'd get married in Ireland
In a wedding like Lord of the Rings.

And my redheaded groom: I could see ‘im!
As we stroll past the churches and farms
He's a sailor named …Brendan! …or Liam!
He can dance without movin' his arms.

In a bar once I met this guy Dewey
And he bought me like fourteen beers
And he told me that he was from Ireland
And I lived with him ten years.

And my wedding? He kept on postponing
Still I followed him ‘round in a fog
Til he left with some skank he'd been boning
Took my savings and took my dog.

My grandfather shoulda just shut it!
Ev'ry story he told me steered me wrong
All the dreams that he gave me got gutted
All that's left is this weird Enya song.

But hey you should not give up on Ireland:
Just be careful you don't get played
And don't drink til you're tearing your top off
And you flash the St Patrick's Day Parade.

See a smart girl like you has a future
You have hope as each new day dawns
Girls like you always get to see Ireland
Send my love to the leprechauns.