JAP Battle (Explicit)

This is real deep beef
From way back in the past
Deeper than i'll put a foot
Up in the crack of your ass
Come on, let's do this
Your little pals can witness
How vicious
This Westchester
Alpha bitch is
I'm straight up malicious
A verbal curb stomper
Since we were toddlers
I've studied every chink in your armor
And between your folks' divorce
And that haircut on ya
I'm really not sure
Which one's the bigger shondeh!

That means "disgrace"
I'm translating for the Goys
Our life lines have been
Parallel like corduroys!
But now we'll see
Whose bars will prevail
In this beef of two hard-as-nails
Shebrews from Scarsdale!

We've got a conflict of interest
I'm about to give Levine the business!
Spitten' venomous hate
Penetratin' her defenses
It's a JAP Battle!

A what?
A Jewish American Princess
Rap battle
Daughters of privilege
Spitten' mad flow
Find that term offensive?
Too bad, yo!
Oh snap, it's a JAP battle rap.

Look: academically
You could never catch me
You were close
But no match scholastically
No how, no way
I put the "O.G" in
"5.0 GPA!"

Well speaking of which
Are you AP graded?
Cause these days
You look a bit heavily weighted
And all your book-crackin'
Don't make up for the fact that
I'm strapped with that
Killer instinct that you lack.

Sweetheart, here's what
You're not understanding
I'm street smart.

You mean 'cause you minored
In urban planning?
Bitch!
I know you
That tough act's a bluff
So sheket bevaka
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Your temper!
You lost it!
Aw! Cute!
Like you're gonna lose this lawsuit!
But here's one category
Where you no rival
Blowing frat guys
With your A.E. Pi-Hole!

And I banged your hedge-fund
Manager fiancée!
Back in college
Over Winter holidays
Bathroom stall
At the Matzo Ball
And honestly
I gotta say
Really not hot at all
Small dick
Rotten lay
This is.

A JAP battle!
Bane of my existence
You're an asshole!
From Golden's Bridge
To North Castle
Wipe you off the map
In this JAP battle rap!

Bunch, you're a curse
You're a blight
We were frenemies
At first spite!
Think your verse is tight?
Then you're trippin' like birthright
I'll wipe the mirth right off your
Fugly mug and fill you full of slugs
Like a straight up thug!

Uh, that word is racist
Someone ought to tell you
Like me! I belong to the ACLU.

Spare me
I'm a card-carrying member
Plus I spent a semester
In Kenya, remember?

Well, I volunteered in Ghana
Well I guess that makes us equal
Well it's settled then
We're both cool with black people
Cause we're liberals.

Duh! Progressive as hell
Though of course I support
Israel.

Audra
Wait
We share so many traits
Should we shake hands
And erase the hate
Created by our mothers
Pitting us against each other
For accolades and grades?
We were egged on like
Seder plates!

...Nah.

In summation
You left New York
For this fuckin' shtetl
And now you're like "Oh Audra
Let's settle"
You wanna get salty
Like the dead sea?
Word
Better call off this suit
Or you're dead
C-word.