JAP Battle (Clean Version)

[Audra Levine]
This is real deep beef
From way back in the past
Deeper than I'll put a foot up
In the crack of your ass
Come on, let's do this
Your little pals can witness how vicious
This Westchester alpha bitch is
I'm straight up malicious
A verbal curb stomper
Since we were toddlers I've studied every
Chink in your armor
And between your folks' divorce
And that haircut on you
I'm really not sure
Which one's the bigger shondeh.

[Rebecca Bunch]
That means "disgrace"
I'm translating for the goys
Our life lines have been parallel like corduroys
But now, we'll see whose bars will prevail
In this beef of two hard-as-nails
Shebrews from Scarsdale.

[Audra]
We've got a conflict of interest
[Rebecca]
I'm about to give Levine the business
[Audra]
Spittin' venomous hate...
[Rebecca]
Penetrating her defenses...

[Rebecca and Audra]
It's a JAP battle
[Darryl]
A what?
[New York Lawyers]
A Jewish American Princess...
[Audra]
Rap battle
[Darryl, Paula & Josh]
Daughters of privilege...
[Audra]
Spittin' mad flow.

[New York Lawyers]
Find that term offensive?
[Audra]
Too bad, yo
[Rebecca and Audra]
Oh, snap
It's a JAP battle rap.

[Rebecca]
Look, academically, you could never catch me
You were close, but no match scholastically
Nohow, no way I put the "O.G." in "5.0 G.P.A."

[Audra]
Well, speaking of which, are you A.P. graded?
Cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted
And all your book crackin'
Don't make up for the fact that I'm strapped
With that killer instinct that you lack
Sweetheart, here's what
You're not understanding, I'm street-smart.

[Rebecca]
You mean, cause you minored in Urban Planning?
Bitch, I know you
That tough act's a bluff
So sheket bevaka shut the hell up.

[Audra]
Your temper, you lost it, oh, cute
Like you're going to lose this lawsuit
But here's one category where you have no rival
Blowing frat guys with your AEPI-hole.

[Rebecca]
And I banged your hedge fund manager fiancé
Back in college over winter holidays
Bathroom stall at the Matzo Ball
And honestly I gotta say
Really not hot at all
Small dick, rotten lay.

[Darryl, Paula, & Josh]
This is...
[Rebecca]
...a JAP battle
[New York Lawyers]
Bane of my existence...
[Rebecca]
You're an asshole
[Audra]
From Golden's Bridge...
[Rebecca]
...to North Castle.

[Rebecca and Audra]
Wipe you off the map
In this JAP battle rap.

[Audra]
Bunch, you're a curse, you're a blight
We were frenemies at first spite
Think your verse is tight?
Then you're tripping like Birthright
I'll wipe the mirth right off your fugly mug
And fill you full of slugs
Like a straight up thug.

[Rebecca]
Uh, that word is racist, someone ought to tell you
Like me, I belong to the ACLU.

[Audra]
Spare me
I'm a card-carrying member
Plus, I spent a semester in Kenya, remember?

[Rebecca]
Well, I volunteered in Ghana
[Audra]
Well, I guess that makes us equal
[Rebecca]
Well, it's settled then
[Rebecca and Audra]
We're both cool with black people
[Audra]
Cause we're liberals
[Rebecca]
Duh, progressive as hell
[Rebecca and Audra]
Though, of course, I support Israel.

[Rebecca]
Audra, wait we share so many traits
Should we shake hands and erase the hate
Created by our mothers pitting
Us against each other for Accolades and grades
We were egged on like Seder plates.

[Audra]
...Nah

In summation
You left New York
For this fucking shtetl
Now you're like "Oh, Audra, let's settle"
You want to get salty like the Dead Sea?
Word, but call off this suit
Or you're dead, C-word.