La Vie Boheme A

[WAITER]
No, please no
Not tonight, please no
Mister, can't you go?
Not tonight, can't have a scene

[ROGER]
What?

[WAITER]
Go, please go
You -- Hello, sir! --
I said no
Important customer

[MARK]
What am I, just a blur?

[WAITER]
You sit all night, you never buy!

[MARK]
That's a lie, that's a lie!
I had a tea the other day

[WAITER]
You couldn't pay

[MARK, spoken]
Oh yeah...

[COLLINS]
Benjamin Coffin III? Here?

[WAITER]
Oh no!

[ALL]
Wine and beer!

[MAUREEN]
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay

[WAITER]
Oy vey!

[COLLINS]
What brings the mogul in his own mind
To the Life Cafe?

[BENNY]
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well

[MAUREEN]
Go to Hell

[BENNY]
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped?

[ROGER]
Why did Muffy--

[BENNY]
Alison

[ROGER]
--miss the show?

[BENNY]
There was a death in the family
If you must know

[ANGEL]
Who died?

[BENNY]
Our Akita

[BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS]
Evita

[BENNY]
Mimi, I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
Who don't adhere to deals

They make fun, yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

[MARK]
Dearly beloved
We gather here to say our goodbyes

[COLLINS & ROGER]
Dies irae, dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal veyitkadash

[MARK]
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass
You bet your ass, to
La vie Bohème

[ALL]
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème

[MARK]
To days of inspiration
Playing hooky
Making something out of nothing
The need to express
To communicate
To going against the grain
Going insane
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension
To starving for attention
Hating convention
Hating pretension
Not to mention, of course
Hating dear old Mom and Dad

To riding your bike
Midday past the three-piece suits
To fruits
To no absolutes
To Absolut
To choice
To The Village Voice
To any passing fad

To being an us, for once
Instead of a them

[ALL]
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème

[MAUREEN]
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

[JOANNE]
It is, Maureen

[MAUREEN]
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face

[MR. GREY]
Ahem

[MAUREEN]
Hey, Mister
She's my sister

[WAITER]
So that's five miso soup
Four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner
Two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls

[A BOY]
Ew

[COLLINS]
It tastes the same

[MIMI]
If you close your eyes

[WAITER]
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

[ALL]
Wine and beer!

[MIMI & ANGEL]
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

[MAUREEN & COLLINS]
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation

[MARK]
Mucho masturbation

[MAUREEN & COLLINS]
Compassion, to fashion, to passion
When it's new

[COLLINS]
To Sontag

[ANGEL]
To Sondheim

[FOUR PEOPLE]
To anything taboo

[COLLINS & ROGER]
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham, and Cage

[COLLINS]
Lenny Bruce

[ROGER]
Langston Hughes

[MAUREEN]
To the stage

[PERSON #1]
To Uta

[COLLINS]
To Buddha

[PERSON #4]
Pablo Neruda, too

[MARK & MIMI]
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

[ALL]
La vie Bohème

[MAUREEN]
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

[JOANNE]
Yes, Maureen

[MAUREEN]
Well, hurry back

(they kiss)

[MR. GREY]
Sisters?

[MAUREEN]
We're close

(MAUREEN and JOANNE move to the side to reveal ANGEL and COLLINS kissing)

[ANGEL, COLLINS, MARK, MR. GREY]
Brothers!

[MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS]
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men
Pee-wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

[ALL]
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To no shame, never playing the Fame Game

[COLLINS]
To marijuana

[ALL]
To sodomy
It's between God and me
To S & M

[MR. GREY]
Waiter... Waiter... Waiter!

[ALL]
La vie Bohème

[COLLINS, spoken]
In honor of the death of bohemia, an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred

[ROGER, spoken]
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days

[MARK, spoken]
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello, which she has never studied

[BENNY]
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us

[MIMI]
There's nothing to know

[BENNY]
Don't you think that we should discuss --

[MIMI]
It was three months ago

[BENNY]
He doesn't act like he's with you

[MIMI]
We're taking it slow

[BENNY]
Where is he now?

[MIMI]
He's right -- Hmm

[BENNY]
Uh huh...

[MIMI]
Where'd he go?

[MARK, spoken]
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(Roger picks up a guitar and plays)

That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"

[COLLINS, spoken]
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub

[ANGEL, spoken]
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist, including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:

[ALL, spoken]
"Actual Reality - ACT UP - Fight AIDS!"

[BENNY]
Check!!

[MIMI]
Excuse me, did I do something wrong?
I get invited, then ignored all night long

[ROGER]
I've been trying, I'm not lying
No one's perfect, I've got baggage

[MIMI]
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

[ROGER]
I should tell you--

[MIMI]
I've got baggage too

[ROGER]
I should tell you--

[BOTH]
Baggage
Wine--

[OTHERS]
--And beer!

[MIMI]
AZT break

[ROGER]
You?

[MIMI]
Me. You?

[ROGER]
Mimi