My Mother's Wedding Day

Now if ye think this weddin' day
Went jus' a wee amiss
Then I will tell ye 'bout a weddin'
Far more daft than this.

The lad involved turned out to be
No other but my pa
An' by the strangest bit o' luck
The woman was my ma.

Macgregor, mackenna, macgowan, macgraw
Macvitie, macneil an' macrae
Ay, all the folk in the village were there
At my mother's weddin' day.

For pa had asked his friend macphee
An' Mac had come with May macgee
An' May invited ninety-three
To my mother's weddin' day.

Then up the road came Ed mackeen
With half the town of Aberdeen.

Ay, ev'ryone was on the scene
At her mother's weddin' day.

At quarter to five everybody was there
A-waitin' around in the room
Macvicker, macdougall, macduff an' maccoy
Everybody but the groom.

An' as the hours turtled by
The men got feelin' kind o' dry
An' thought they'd take a nip of rye
While a-waitin' for the groom.

An' while the men were dippin' in
The ladies started on the gin.

An' soon the room began to spin
At her mother's weddin' day.

Then all of a sudden the liquor was gone
The gin an' the whiskey an' all
An' all of a sudden the weddin' affair
Had become a bonnie brawl.

For Pete macgraw and Joe macphee
Began to fight for May macgee
While May macgee an' Sam mackee
Were a-wooin' in the hall.

So cold an' stiff was John macvay
They used him for a servin' tray.

For ev'ryone was blithe and gay
At her mother's weddin' day.

Macduff an' macvitie were playin' a game
An' usin' maccoy for the ball
Mackenna was eatin' the bridal bouquet
An' macneil hung on the wall.

When finally my father came
His eyes were red, his nose aflame
He dinna even know his name
He was drunkest of them all.

The people were lyin' all over the room
A'lookin' as if they were dead
Then mother uncovered the minister quick
An' she told him: Go ahead.

Then pa kneeled down on Bill macrae
An' mother kneeled on Jock mackay
The preacher stood on John macvay
And that's how my ma was wed.

And 'til today the folks declare
It was a mess beyond compare.

There never was a day as rare
As her mother's weddin' day!