One Last Hope

So, ya wanna be a hero, kid?
Well, whoop-dee-doo!
I have been around the block before with blockheads just like you
Each and everyone a disappointment
Pain, for which there ain't no ointment
So much for excuses
Though a kid of Zeus', asking me to jump into the fray
My answer is two words - O.K.

You win
Oh gods
Oy vay!

I'd given up hope that someone would come along
A fellow who'd ring the bell for once
Not the gong
The kind who wins trophies
Won't settle for low fees
At least semi-pro fees
But no - I get the greenhorn.

I've been out to pasture pal, my ambition gone
Content to spend lazy days and to graze my lawn
But you need an advisor
A satyr, but wiser
A good merchandiser
And whoa! There goes my ulcer!

I'm down to one last hope and I hope it's you
Though, kid, you're not exactly a dream come true
I've trained enough turkeys
Who never came through
You're my one last hope so you'll have to do.

(Spoken, film version only)
Rule number six! When rescuing a damsel, always handle with care!
Rule number ninety-five, kid. Concentrate!
Rule number ninety-six! Aim!

Demigods have faced the odds
And ended up a mockery
Don't believe the stories that you read on all the crockery
To be a true hero, kid, is a dying art
Like painting a masterpiece, it's a work of heart
It takes more than sinew
Comes down to what's in you
You have to continue to grow
Now that's more like it!

I'm down to one last shot and my last high note
Before that blasted Underworld gets my goat
My dreams are on you, kid
Go make 'em come true
Climb that uphill slope
Keep pushing that envelope
You're my one last hope and, kid, it's up to you!

Yeah!