MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
We're sitting
And watching Jason play baseball
We're watching Jason play baseball!
We're watching Jewish boys
Who cannot play baseball, play baseball!
We're watching Jewish boys
Who cannot play baseball play-
MARVIN
I hate baseball, I really do!
Unlike the rest of you
I hate baseball!
CHARLOTTE AND CORDELIA
We really wish he'd take this more seriously!
MENDEL
It's weird how he swings the bat!
MARVIN
It's weird how he swings the bat
And why does he have to throw like that?
MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
We're sitting
And watching Jason make errors
The most pathetical errors!
We're watching Jewish boys
Who almost read Latin
Up, battin'
And battin' bad!
MENDEL
Remember Sandy Koufax!
You can do it if you wanna do it!
Take heart from Hank Greenberg!
It's not genetic
Even you can be copacetic!
I think, I think
I think you can, I think you can!
MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
We're sitting
And watching Jason play baseball
We're watching Jason play baseball!
We're watching Jewish boys
We're watching Jewish boys
We're watching-
Slide, Jason
Slide, Jason!
Slide!
(Whizzer enters)
MARVIN
What is he doing here?
TRINA
What are you doing here?
WHIZZER
Jason asked me to come
Since he asked me to come, I came
TRINA
Just what I wanted at a Little League game
My ex-husband's ex-lover!
Isn't that what every mother dreams about
Having at a Little League game?
MENDEL
Looking at Whizzer is like eating trayf
CORDELIA
The kid was out!
CHARLOTTE
The kid was safe!
CORDELIA
The kid was out!
CHARLOTTE
The kid was safe!
WHIZZER
Hey!
I love baseball
I love Jason
That's what I'm doing here
CHARLOTTE
Hey, where the hell did they get that umpire?!
MARVIN
Look who's here
Say hello
WHIZZER
Hello
MARVIN
You're looking sweeter than a donut
WHIZZER
Marvin
MARVIN
Whizzer
WHIZZER
Is he still queer?
MARVIN
Am I queer?
TRINA
I don't know!
MENDEL
Does it matter?
MARVIN
It's been so long since I could tell
Sit in front of me
I wanna see the bald spot!
C'mon, c'mon
Move in front of me
It gives me pleasure to see the bald spot!
Since it's the only
Physical imperfection that you've got
I wanna see it!
I wanna touch it!
I wanna run my hands through it!
WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
We're sitting
And watch the kid as he misses!
We're watching Marvin throw kisses
We're watching sixty-seven pounders
Watching Jewish boys miss grounders
MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
Watching boys field, boys bat
Boys this, boys that-
Watching Jason on deck
Swinging the bat!
WHIZZER
Hey, Jason
JASON
Oh, hi, Whizzer! Glad you came!
WHIZZER
Keep your head in the box
Don't think of a thing
Keep your head in the box
Your eye on the ball
Take a breath, then let it out
And swing!
MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
Keep your head in the box
Don't think of a thing
Keep your head in the box
Your eye on the ball
Take a breath, then let it out
And swing!
WHIZZER
Okay, go get 'em!
MARVIN
Even bald, he looks good
WHIZZER
Just remember he's psychotic
MARVIN
He looks damn good, but he's cheap as dirt
WHIZZER
Even maniacs can charm
Which he does, so beware
MARVIN
And just be careful
WHIZZER
When he smiles that smile, avoid him
Or else sound the alert!
MARVIN
Whizzer?
WHIZZER
Marvin?
MARVIN
Think there's any hope for the kid?
WHIZZER
I love Jason, but this is not his venue
MARVIN AND WHIZZER
How could I know, without him
My life would be boring as shit?
WHIZZER
Jason! You gotta stand a little closer to the plate!
MARVIN
Oh, yes, it is-
He's gonna be hit by the ball!
MARVIN AND WHIZZER
Please, God, don't let me make the same mistake!
MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
We're sitting
And watching Jason, the batter!
We know our cheering won't matter!
It is the very final inning
And the other team is winning
And there's two outs, two strikes
But the bases are loaded and-
MARVIN
Would it be possible to see you, or to kiss you
Or to give you a call?
WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
Anything's possible
MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA
Jason
Hit the ball!
- Run!
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