The Contest

I am Adolfo Pirelli
Da kinf of da barbers
Da barber of da kings
E buon giorno, good day
I blow you a kiss!

And I, da so-famous Pirelli
I wish-a to know-a
Who has-a da nerve-a to say
My elixir is piss!
Who says this?!

I do. I am Mr. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street
I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's elixir, and I say to you that it is nothing but an arrant fraud, concocted from piss and ink
And furthermore "Signor" I have serviced no kings
yet I wager I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank!

You hear zis foolish man? No please, you will see
how he will regret his folly!
Who's for a free shave?
Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?
Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors
The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner.

Now, signorini, signori
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather
Around, signorini, signori
You looking a man
Who have had-a da glory
To shave-a da Pope!
Mr. Sweeney whoever
I beg-a your pardon'll
Probably say it was only a cardinal
Nope!
It was-a da Pope!

To shave-a da face
To cut-a da hair
Require da grace
Require da flair
For if-a you slip
You nick-a da skin
You clip-a da chin
You rip-a da lip a bit
Beyond-a repair!

To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart
Not just-a da flash
It take-a panache
It take-a da passion
For da art.

To shave-a da face
To trim-a da beard
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me
By God!

It take-a da skill
It take-a da brains
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains
It take-a da pace
It take-a da graaaaaace.

The winner is Todd.