The Straight Razor Cabaret

In a cafe
On the Champs-Élysées
I saw a girl the other day
I was beguiled
'till i saw her smile
It was a gash across her face.

Not long ago she found that she was alone
So she wandered into a vaudeville show
She should have known it'd be bad
She saw the name that it had: The Straight Razor Cabaret
The first act was a stripper
And the host looked like Jack the Ripper
But the audience was dreary
And so he slashed them smiles from ear to ear.

He used a straight-razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he tells a joke
You better laugh until you choke
At the Straight Razor Cabaret.

When i flew down to Camden town
I saw a man reading the Bible
I won't in haste describe his face
For i might be sued for libel.

Not long ago he found that he was alone
So he wandered into a vaudeville show
He should have known he'd be maimed
When he discovered the name:
The straight razor cabaret
While the strumpet stroked a Donkey
The host juggled five dead monkeys
But the audience were snobs
So he took a knife right to their gobs.

He used a straight-razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he does a trick
You better laugh until you're sick
At the Straight Razor Cabaret.

La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La
La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La.

They call him straight-razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he pulls a gaffe you bloody up and laugh!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
It's the Straight Razor Caba-

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Everybody!
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.

It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!