Things I Want

What do I say? What do I want?
I want to let something happen today
But then not
I want to stay inside this room
Where I’ve been
I want to begin.

What do I say? I wanna go
I should say, “okay, yes,”
And then send, but then no
I want this whole entire world
To live one day in my skin.

I might make one new friend
Or this might be the beginning of the end.

What do I have? A shirt and shoes
I have some luxuries here
I would not want to lose
I have a closet free of Lycra and plaid
And I should be glad.

What do I have? A roof and bed
I have enriching conversations
With folks in my head
Maybe out loud that sounds pathetic and sad
It isn’t that bad.

This is where I belong
What if this is the start of something wrong?

Every other night
I play my music all alone.

Every other night
I fall asleep on my phone
Every other night
There’s no one else to tell me
I’m a mess
Every other night.

I’m sitting on the shelf, I’m sitting by myself
Collecting dust and nothing else
Every other night
There’s no one else to ask
If I say yes.

What do I want?
I want a guy
I want another person to make me laugh
And then cry
I want our egos to collide
I don’t want to hide.

What do I want?
I want a hand
I want spontaneous journeys so good
They feel planned
I want to never be denied
A terrible ride.

Something real
No more pretend
Pretend!
Or this might be the beginning of the end.