A Little Priest

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Well you know me, bright idea just popped into me head
and I keep thinking
Seems a down right shame.

[Todd:]
Shame?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Seems and awful waste
Such a nice plump frame
What's his name has
Had, has
Nor it can't be traced.

Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift, if you get my drift
No
Seems a awful waste
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is
when get it
If you get it.

[Todd:]
Aah!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Good you got it
Take for instance Mrs. Mooney
And her pie shop
Business never better
Using only pussycats and toast
Now a pussy's good for maybe
Six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare
As far as taste.

[Todd, Mrs. Lovett:]
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
Eminently practical
(Well it does seem a waste)
And yet appropriate as always
Mrs. Lovett, how I did without you
All these years
I'll never know
(Think about it)
How delectable
(Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be comin')
Also undetectable. For a shave, won't they
How choice,
(Think of all them)
How rare
(Pies!)

For what's the sound of the
World out there?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
What, Mr. Todd
What, Mr. Todd
What is that sound?

[Todd:]
Those crunching noises
Pervading the air!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, Mr. Todd
Yes all around!

[Todd:]
It's man devouring, man, my dear

[Both:]
Then who are we to deny it in here?

[Todd:]
Ah, these are desperate times Mrs. Lovett,
and desperate measures are called for

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Here we are! Hot from the oven.

[Todd:]
What is that?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
It's priest
Have a little priest.

[Todd:]
Is it really good?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again they don't commit
Sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh.

[Todd:]
Awful lot of fat.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Only where it sat.

[Todd:]
Haven't you got poet
Or something like that?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
No, y'see the trouble with poet
Is how do you it's deceased?
Try the priest!

[Todd:]
Mmm, heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps
but then not as bland as curate, either.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
And good for business. Always leaves you wanting more
trouble is we only get it on Sundays. Lawyer's rather nice!

[Todd:]
It is for a price.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Order something else though to follow
Since no one should swallow twice.

[Todd:]
Anything that's lean.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Well, then, if your British and loyal
You might enjoy royal marine
Anyway, it's clean
Though, of course
It tastes of wherever it's been!

[Todd:]
Is that squire on the fire?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Mercy, no sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer!

[Todd:]
Looks thicker
More like vicar.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!

[Todd:]
The history of the world, my love.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors.

[Todd:]
Is those bellow serving those up above!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Everybody shaves
so there should be plenty of flavors!

[Todd:]
How gratifying for once to know--

[Both:]
That those above will serve those down bellow
Now, let's see
We've got tinker? Something pinker
Taylor? Something paler
Potter? Something hotter
Butler? Something-- subtler
Locksmith? Oh.

Lovely bit of clerk

[Todd:]
Maybe for a lark.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
The again there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark
Try the financier
Peak of his career.

[Todd:]
Ugh, that looks pretty rank.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Well, he drank
No, it's bank cashier
Never really sold
Maybe it was old.

[Todd:]
Have you any Beadle?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Next week, so I'm told
Beadle isn't bad till you smell it
And notice how well it's been greased
Stick to priest.

Now this may be a but stringy, but then of course it's fiddle player.

[Todd:]
That's not fiddle player, that's piccolo player.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
How can you tell?

[Todd:]
It's pipping hot!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Then blow on it first!

[Todd:]
The history of the world, my sweet

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Oh, Mr. Todd
Ooh, Mr. Todd
What does it tell?

[Todd:]
It's who gets eaten,
And who gets to eat.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
And Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd
Who gets to sell.

[Todd:]
But fortunately it's all so clear--

[Both:]
That everybody goes down well with beer!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how
about rear admiral?

[Todd:]
Too salty
I prefer general.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
With or without his privates--
With is extra.

[Todd:]
What is that?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
It's fop-- finest in the shop
Or we have shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top
And I've just began
That's a politician so oily
It's served with doily
Not one.

[Todd:]
Put it on a bun
Well you never know
If it's going to run.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Try the friar--
Fried is drier!

[Todd:]
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy.

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Then actor--
That's compacter.

[Todd:]
Yes, and always arrives overdone.
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Wait, true we don't have judge yet, but would
you settle for the next best thing?

[Todd:]
What's that?

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Executioner!

[Todd:]
Have charity towards the world, my pet

[Mrs. Lovett:]
Yes, yes I know, my love!

[Todd:]
We'll take the costumers that we can get!

[Mrs. Lovett:]
High born and low, my love.

[Todd:]
We'll not discriminate great from small.
No, we'll serve anyone--

[Both:]
Meaning anyone
And to anyone
At all!