The Worst Pies In London

A customer!
Wait! What's yer rush? What's yer hurry
You gave me such a
Fright. I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can'tcher
Sit! Sit ye down
Sit
All i meant is that i
Haven't seen a customer for weeks
Did you come here for a pie, sir?

Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
Ugh
What is that
But you'd think we had the plague
From the way that people
Keep avoiding
No you don't
Heaven knows i try, sir
Ick
But there's no one comes in even to inhale
Tsk!

Mind you, i can't hardly blame them
(pouring a tankard of ale)
These are probably the worst pies in london
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know
I make them
But good? No
The worst pies in london
Even that's polite
The worst pies in london
If you doubt it, take a bite.

Is that just disgusting
You have to concede it
It's nothing but crusting
Here, drink this, you'll need it
The worst pies in london...

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought i'd live to see the day men'd think it was a treat
Finding poor
Animals
Wot are dying in the street
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does a business, but i notice something weird
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared.

Have to hand it to her
Wot i calls
Enterprise
Popping pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And i'm telling you them pussy cats is quick
No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than
The worst pies in london
Only lard and nothing more...

Is that just revolting
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it's molting
And tastes like
Well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in london!

Times is hard. Times is hard.

Spit it out, dear. Go on. On the floor
There's worse things than that down there
That's my boy.

Todd:
Isn't that a room up there over the shop
If times are so hard, why don't you rent it out
That should bring in something
Mrs. Lovett:
Up there? Oh, no one will go near it
People think it's haunted. You see
Years ago, something happened up there
Something not very nice.