Birthday, Bitch!

[ZACK]
Bet this really takes you back

[KYRA]
I could never find yours, Zack

[NADIA]
Excuse me

[MATT]
What the hell is that?

[RORY]
It's a piñata, Matt

[LUCAS]
Put it there instead

[KYRA]
Wouldn't want to hit your head

[NADIA]
I wrote a song for us to sing

[ZACK]
They'll be here any minute

[RORY]
I need tape

[LUCAS]
Got cups?

[MATT]
A plate?

[NADIA]
When I go like this, we'll begin it

[RORY, NADIA & KYRA]
Happy birthday Ivy, you are the special birthday bitch

[NADIA]
We go you some Vagisil to help clear up that nasty itch

[PETER]
That's pretty, Nadia

[ZACK]
She'll love that

[ALAN]
Towels, stat

[LUCAS]
She's gonna die

[NADIA]
If we should be so lucky

[PETER]
Be nice

[NADIA]
Why?

[RORY]
Mary Jane made some brownies. They're dope

[KYRA]
My favorite

[RORY]
Mine too

[LUCAS]
Oooh! Spacecakes

[PETER]
Cool! Who made these?

[RORY]
Does he know?

[LUCAS]
Please

[PETER]
Know what?

[ALAN]
I need a cup

[ZACK]
I may have to crash here tonight, there's no way I'm gonna make it home.

[NADIA]
What the hell, the bed's still warm
'Cause Ivy never sleeps alone
Same old gift from different givers
Throw the dog another bone.

[MATT]
Time to go

[LUCAS]
Sorry, bro

[MATT]
Are those her panties?

[KYRA]
Yes, indeed

[LUCAS]
Guess who's horny?

[JASON (to Matt)]
Him

[NADIA, DIANE, KYRA, RORY]
Agreed

[LUCAS]
Open shop, take all you need

[NADIA]
I would wear three

[MATT]
Maybe I'm not being clear...

[DIANE]
They're here

[LUCAS]
Quiet

[ZACK]
These are so good

[NADIA]
Sing out, Louise

[ALAN]
Guys, where are all the cups?

[PETER, JASON, NADIA, LUCAS, KYRA, RORY, DIANE, ALAN, ZACK, & TANYA]
Shut up
1, 2, 3, 4
Happy birthday Ivy, you're the ugliest of all
You are the worst and most perverse to roam Cecilia's hallowed halls
Your mother was a hooker and your father was a dick
He poked her in a toaster and the pair produced a pig
Whose brain is awfully tiny and whose ass is awfully big
Happy birthday bitch! Happy birthday bitch
Happy birthday Ivy, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

[NADIA]
Then they took that little bitch and they fucked her in the ass...
Sorry

[MATT]
Happy Birthday

[DIANE]
Matt planned the party

[MATT]
Some of it

[IVY]
Thank you, this is very sweet

[MATT]
She's loaded, what happened to her?

[TANYA]
You told me to 'keep her busy'

[PETER]
You don't wanna play?

[JASON]
Nah...why are you so happy?

[PETER]
I wish your piñata were that big

[JASON]
You do know those are pot brownies?

[PETER]
Oops
'Want to go back to the rave
The two of us dancing together
Out there in the open
So then what's stopping us now?
I hear our song on the radio
And I don't care who knows.

[JASON]
Lower your voice...
What is wrong with you?

[PETER]
I think we're missing so much
Jason, I wish I could shout it
Shout how much I love you!

[JASON]
Hey

[IVY]
Hey, you any good with a stick?

[JASON]
What have you heard?

[IVY]
Come help me.

[JASON]
Sure... give me one sec'

[PETER]
Don't go

[JASON]
Peter, stop

[PETER]
God, but the rave.

[JASON]
—Was different
We don't live at a rave
Look, you have to stop acting like this...

[PETER]
Like what?
Your boyfriend?