911! Emergency!

SISTER CHANTELLE (as the Virgin Mary)
Stop!

PETER
Fuck me, Matt! It's Diana Ross

SISTER CHANTELLE
Uh, sure enough, ain't. But now I know I've got the right person

PETER
What's that supposed to mean?

SISTER CHANTELLE
Listen up, Peter. I may be a virgin but I ain't new to the game. Don't be frontin' with Mary.

PETER
Holy shit

SISTER CHANTELLE
I'll pretend I didn't hear that

KYRA & TANYA (as angels/backup singers)
Think it over

PETER
Hail Mary, full of grace

SISTER CHANTELLE
Stop, stop, stop! Do you know how tired I am of that prayer?
What do you know about 2,000 years, and they still be saying the same prayer.

KYRA & TANYA
Change is comin' - it's comin'

SISTER CHANTELLE
I have a message for you, Peter

KYRA & TANYA
Listen closely

SISTER CHANTELLE
Now where'd I put it? All these pockets...Oh yeah, here it is

KYRA & TANYA
Seek and ye shall find

SISTER CHANTELLE
"You will know the truth and the truth shall..." Who writes this stuff?

KYRA & TANYA
Too generic

SISTER CHANTELLE
Never mind, I'm gonna wing it

TANYA
Mary loves her puns

SISTER CHANTELLE
Yes I do
Now, I saw what you just did

KYRA & TANYA
Mary saw you

SISTER CHANTELLE
Seems the love that dare not speak its name done gone ahead and spoke

KYRA & TANYA
Now the secret's out

SISTER CHANTELLE
You tell one person - that's it - cat's out of the bag

KYRA & TANYA
Will he keep it?

SISTER CHANTELLE
There's a phone call that is now overdue to your mother, baby

KYRA & TANYA
Time to call her up
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Get on mama's line

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Heaven knows it's time

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Can you put him through?

ALL THREE
Someone's got a job to do

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Mama loves you, boy

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
You're your mama's joy

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Get the doing done

ALL THREE
Reach out, baby - touch someone
911! Emergency! It's time to be a grown up
We done gone and made the call
But you need to pick the phone up
Ring your mother, tell it all
Just go ahead and own up
Stop your lying, drop the drama
Tell the world but first tell mama
Let her know.

SISTER CHANTELLE
I've read the books, Peter

KYRA & TANYA
Oprah picked 'em

SISTER CHANTELLE
Sayin' "Come out when you're ready," but don't talk about it - be about it.

KYRA & TANYA
Come on, come on out, boy

SISTER CHANTELLE
Cause life is now, sugar

KYRA & TANYA
Gotta live your life

SISTER CHANTELLE
Don't hide there under a bushel...or whatever my baby used to say.

KYRA & TANYA
Jesus knows what's up
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Help the boy connect

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Let him call collect

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Could you put him through?

ALL THREE
Someone's got a job to do

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Got to change the plan.

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Time to take a stand.

KYRA & TANYA
Operator

SISTER CHANTELLE
Get the doing done.

ALL THREE
Reach out, baby! Touch someone
911! Emergency! It's time to be a grown up
We done gone and made the call -
But you need to pick the phone up
Ring your mother, tell it all
Just go ahead and own up
Mop your mess up, drop the drama
Tell the world, but first tell mama.

911! Emergency! Life is full of choices
Baby, here's the 411: with truth the world rejoices
Let it out, let mama in
Boy, you need to hear our voices
Stop the secrets, drop the drama
Roll it out but first tell mama
Let her know.

SISTER CHANTELLE
That's it. God bless

PETER
But what if God --

SISTER CHANTELLE
Uh-uh! No questions. This isn't "Conversations with Mary"

KYRA & TANYA
It ain't that book, baby

SISTER CHANTELLE
Look, you'll figure it out. And I'm on the tightest of schedules...
Work, work, work, save, save, save, so many in need. But does the head of the first family lift a wing to help? NO! Joseph be telling me, "I let you ride the donkey all the way to Bethlehem" Now that was 2,000 years ago, ok? I'm talkin' about what has he done for me lately?

KYRA & TANYA
(unintelligable ranting)

TANYA
...And it won't be the greatest story every told if you go on and tell it a thousand times,-- oh, hi

SISTER CHANTELLE
Keep it up! Just keep it up, and I know two ladies 'bout to be touched by an angel. You got that? We out! Peter, remember.

ALL THREE
911! Emergency! It's time to be a grown up
We done gone and made the call -
But you need to pick the phone up
Ring your mother, tell it all
Just go ahead and own up
Stop your lying, drop the drama
Tell the world but first tell mama
Let her know.