Making Things Up Again

[Elder cunningham]
And 'lo the lord said unto the nephites, 'i, uh, i know you're really depressed, well, with all your aids and everything. But there's an answer in christ.

[African woman]
You see, this book can help us.

[Elder cunningham]
I just told a lie
No, wait, i didn't lie...
I just used my imagination
And it worked!

[Elder cunningham]'s father
You're making things up again, arnold. (but it worked, dad!)
You're stretching the truth again, and you know it –

[Joseph smith]
Don't be a fibbing fran, arnold. ([Joseph smith]?)

[Smith & dad]
Because a lie is a lie. (it's not a lie!)

Chorus
You're making things up again, arnold! (oh conscience!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction!
Be careful how you proceed, arnold
When you fib, there's a price.

Middala
Ahh, this is bullshit! The story that i have been told is that the way to cure aids is by sleeping with a virgin! I'm going to go and rape a baby!

[Elder cunningham]
What!?!! Oh my – no! You can't do that! No!!!!

Middala
Why not?

[Elder cunningham]
Because that is definitely against god's will!

Middala
Says who!? Where in that book of yours does it say anything about sleeping with a baby, huh?! Nowhere!

[Elder cunningham]
Uh, behold, the lord said to the mormon prophet [Joseph smith], 'you shall not have sex with that infant..!' Lo! Joseph said, 'why not lord? Huh? Why not?' and the lord said, 'if you lay with that infant you shall...pghwwwww!...burn in the fiery pits of mordor.

Middala
Really?

[Elder cunningham]
Uh huh...uh huh. 'A baby cannot cure your illness, [Joseph smith] – i shall give unto you a...a frog!'...and thus joseph laid with the frog and his aids was no more! (ohhhhh....)

Chorus
You're making things up again, arnold.
You're recklessly warping the words of jesus!
You can't just say what you want, arnold. (come on, hobbits!)
You're digging yourself a deep hole.

[Elder cunningham]
I'm making things up again, kind of!
But this time it's helping a dozen people!
It's nothing so bad because this time –
I'm not committing a sin just by making things up again, right?! (no!)

[African woman]
[Elder cunningham]! You have to stop him!

[Elder cunningham]
What? What is it?

[African woman]
Gotswana is going to cut off his daughter's clitoris!

[Elder cunningham]
Hah?!

African man
This is all very interesting, but women have to be circumcised if that's what the general wants!

[Elder cunningham]
No, doing that to a lady is definitely against christ's will!

African man
How do you know? Christ never said nothin' about no clitoris!

[Elder cunningham]
Yes! Yes he did! In ancient new york, three men were about to cut off a mormon woman's clitoris! But right before they did – jesus had boba fett turn them into frogs!

African man
Frogs?

[African woman]
You mean like the frogs that got fucked by [Joseph smith]!

[Elder cunningham]
Riiight! Right! Like those frogs! For a clitoris is holy among all things, said he!

Chorus
You're making things up again, arnold. (we're learning the truth!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction! (the truth about god.)
Be careful how you proceed, arnold.
When you fib, there's a price. (we're going to paradise.)

[Elder cunningham]
Who would have thought i'd have this magic touch?
Who'd've believed i could man up this much?
I'm talking, they're listening, my stories are glistening
I'm gonna save them all with this stuff!

Chorus
You're making things up again, arnold! ([Elder cunningham]!)
You're making things up again, arnold! (holy prophet man!)
You're making things up again, arnold. (our savior!)

[Elder cunningham]
You're making things up again...

Hmm, up again making things you are –

[Elder cunningham]
I know...