The Hammer

Look at these trophies
See how my trophies gleam in the sunlight?
See how they shine?
What do you think it took to become English Hammer Throwing Champion 1969?
[She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.]
Do you think in that moment, when my big moment came
That I treated the rules with casual disdain?
Well? Like hell!

As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan?
Hm? What?
As a chalked up my palms, did I wave my hands?
I did not!
As I started my spin, did I look at the view?
Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two?
Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation?
Do you think I altered my intended elevation?
As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt
From the grunt I had practiced for many a month?
Not a jot!
Not a dot did I stray from the plot
Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten
Not even when the hammer left my hands
And sailed high up, up above the stands
Did I let myself go.
No, no, no, no [ad lib.]

[She turns and walks back to her desk. She daintily reaches up and captures a figurine of a woman throwing the hammer.]

If you want to throw the hammer for your country
You have to stay inside the circle all the time
[She murmurs along to the music.]
And if you want to make the team
You don't need happiness or self-esteem
You just need to keep your feet inside the line
[She presses an intercom on her desk.]
Sing, children. Two, three, four.

CHILDREN and BIG KIDS appear in the boxes to the upper left and upper right of the stage and sing.

If you want to throw the hammer for your country
Bambinatum est magitum
You have to stay inside the circle all the time
Circulum, maggitum, maggitum
And if you want to teach success
You don't use sympathy or tenderness
Tenderness.

You have to force the little squits to toe the line!
[She grabs a baton with a yellow ribbon attached to it and starts twirling to the music.]
Sing, Jenny! Two, three, four!
If you want to throw the hammer for your country
Bambinatum! Bambinatum! Gloria Magitum!
You have to stay inside the circle all the time
Circulum est Deus! Deus!

Apply just one simple rule
To hammer throwing, life, and school
Life's a ball, so learn to throw it
Find the bally line and toe it
And always keep your feet inside the line!
[She throws the baton across the stage, does a jeté to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.]
Now get out.