The World According To Chris

[Chris]
Guess what, ever since the world began
Same plot, everyone's been dumping on a fellow man
Pounding people they feel better than
I hope you're taking notes, 'cause.

You feel everyone deserves a shit
Get real; some of us have got it girl and some got squat.
That's the truth; oh honey, like it or not
I hate to break it to you!

My daddy taught me you get nowhere being nice
So now I'm sharing his advice:

The world according to Chris is:
Better to strike than get struck
Better to screw than get screwed
You'd probably think it's bizarre
But that's the way things are!

[Sue] (spoken)
But that doesn't mean it has to be that way. What does it cost to be kind?

[Chris] (spoken)
Eww. What have you done with my best friend? So Billy, am I right or am I right?

[Billy] (spoken)
Trust me.

[Billy]
I swear, there's a dick in every class
Not fair; each and every time I fail, those losers pass!
Hey, every one of them can kiss my ass!

[Chris]
You wonder why I love him

[Billy]
One year, there was this good looking guy
So queer, and on top of that, he had a wandering eye
One day he looks at me a -HUUH!- Bye-Bye!

[Chris]
I bet he got the message

[Billy, Chris]
We're here to tell you how this whole damn freak show works
If you don't listen, then you're jerks

[Billy, Chris, Students]
The world according to Chris is:
Better to punch than get punched
Better to burn than get burn
Learn that and you're gonna go far

[Billy]
'Cause that's the way things are!

[Chris]
Hananana Nanananana
Hananana Nananana

[Students]
Hananana Nanananana
Hananana Nananana

[Sue] (spoken)
Can you believe her?!

[Tommy] (spoken)
Come on, Sue. She's just being Chris.

[Sue] (spoken)
You weren't there! It was awful, we were hurting Carrie!

[Tommy] (spoken)
Ahh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

[Sue]
Tommy you don't understand
What was just a joke got out of hand
We kept on screaming 'til she hit the floor!

[Tommy] (spoken)
Come on, everybody was doing it

[Sue]
Hey, I was in there too
What came over me was something new
I did things I've never done before!

And now I wish there's something I could do or say
I've never ever felt this way

[Tommy]
Look, Sue,
Don't be so hard on yourself
You can tell me to keep my mouth shut,
But, wanna know what I'd advise?

[Sue] (spoken)
What?

[Tommy]
Apologize

[Sue] (spoken)
Apologize…! Tommy, you're a genius!

[Chris]
Eww, Sue, I can tell you're feeling sad

[Students]
Boo-hoo! So we clobber Carrie and that's too damn bad!

[Chris]
This is why you gotta love my dad!

[Students]
He's got the right idea!

[Chris]
My daddy taught me who's on top and who's below
And now it's time I let you know

[Chris, Students]
The world according to Chris!

[Sue] (spoken)
You're joking, right? You can't possibly mean all of this!

[Chris] (spoken)
Why are you being such a buzzkill?

[Sue] (spoken)
Chris, grow up!

[Students]
Hananana Nananana
Hananana Nanananana
Hananana Nananana
(continue through the following)

[Billy]
Let's party people!

[Students]
According to Chris!

[Billy] (Students)
The world according to Chris! (The world!)
The world according to Chris! (According to Chris!)
The world according to Chris! (The world!)
The world according to Chris! (The world!)

[Chris]
The world according to Chris is
Better to whip than get whipped
Even if somebody blinks
Please; nobody dies from a scar
And that's the way things are…