Welcome To Our House On Maple Avenue

He wants the hepplewhite suite chairs back in the parlor
Move the GI Joe, it can't be on the floor
He wants the dresden figurines back in the breakfront
A slinky messes up the period decor
Get the Lemon Pledge and dust the – they should face the same direction
He wants it vacuumed, the surface gleaming
He wants it closer to the door
He wants, he wants, he wants!

He wants the brass candelabra set at an angle
The crayons and the glue should go back in the drawer
He wants the bust of Quixote square on the mantel
Sweep that lint away, it's what a broom is for
Gently wipe the eucalyptus
Polish up the crystal prisms
When he comes down here, he wants it ready
We've got to get it done before
He wants, he wants, he wants–
Where's my bronzing stick?
It's in the–
{door slams}
Welcome to our house on Maple Avenue!
See how we polish and we shine?
We rearrange and realign
Everything is balanced and serene
Like chaos never happens if it's never seen
Every need, we anticipate and fill
And still…
He wants the real feather-duster used on the bookcase
Find all the books we read, and carefully restore
He wants them alphabetized by classification
A volume out of place could start a third world war
That's an inch out of position!
Watch it, that's a first edition!
What are we missing?
What have we left out?
When he comes down here, what's in store?
He wants, he wants, he wants
Welcome to our house on Maple Avenue
See how we polish and we shine?
We rearrange and realign
Everything is balanced and serene
Like chaos never happens if it's never seen
We're a typical family quintet
And yet…
Not too bad, if I say so myself
I might still break a heart or two
Sometimes if I burn so hot, I don't know what i'll do
Not too bad, if I say so myself
Not too bad
Mrs Baulkner! It's a pleasure to meet you Come on in! It's obviously still a work in progress Ah, yes, yes, I did all the work myself, that's how we were able to afford the place No, no Historic restoration is an avocation That is very flattering! I teach English at Beach Creek High, and the Bechdel Funeral Home is our family business, so I'm also a funeral director You have a keen eye! This, I found yesterday in the dump! Isn't it–uh actually, I believe we're up for a revival Absolutely! Would you like one with the family? Kids! Mrs Baulkner would like to take a photo!
Hello! Anybody home?
I'll be there in a minute! Oh, a young man, who helps out with the yard work
He wants, he wants, he wants
He wants more
Caption: My dad and I both grew up in the same, small Pennsylvania town
And he was gay, and I was gay
And he
Killed himself
And I…
Become a lesbian cartoonist.