Gee Officer Krupke!

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
You gotta understand
It's just our bringin' up-ke
That gets us out of hand
Our mothers all are junkies
Our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset
We never had the love that ev'ry child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents
We're misunderstood
Deep down inside us there is good!
There is good!

There is good, there is good
There is untapped good!
Like inside, the worst of us is good!

That's a touchin' good story
Lemme tell it to the world!
Just tell it to the judge.

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm so bad!

(As Judge) Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He's psychologic'ly disturbed!
I'm disturbed!

We're disturbed, we're disturbed
We're the most disturbed
Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed.

(Spoken, as Judge) In the opinion on this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home
(Spoken) Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived
So take him to a headshrinker.

My father is a bastard
My ma's an S.O.B.
My grandpa's always plastered
My grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

(As Psychiatrist) Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slob
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job
Society's played him a terrible trick
And sociologic'ly he's sick!
I am sick!

We are sick, we are sick
We are sick, sick, sick
Like we're sociologically sick!

In my opinion, this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease!

Hey, I got a social disease!
So take him to a social worker!

Dear kindly social worker
They say go earn a buck
Like be a soda jerker
Which means like be a schumck
It's not I'm anti-social
I'm only anti-work
Gloryosky! That's why I'm a jerk!

(As Female Social Worker)
Eek!
Officer Krupke, you've done it again
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen
It ain't just a question of misunderstood
Deep down inside him, he's no good!
I'm no good!

We're no good, we're no good!
We're no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good!

(As Judge)
The trouble is he's crazy.

(As Psychiatrist)
The trouble is he drinks.

(As Female Social Worker)
The trouble is he's lazy.

The trouble is he stinks
The trouble is he's growing
The trouble is he's grown
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke
We're down on our knees
'Cause no one wants a fellow with a social disease
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?
Gee, Officer Krupke
Krup you!