Listen Back

The whole point of me recording right now
Is to hold myself accountable for the feelings I still feel
I thought it was over, thought I was moving forward
But I guess that's why I have this, to show me what's real.

The perils of keepings your ex-wife's phone in your possession
You're only really saying you've put the past to rest
It is all too easy to feed your old obsession
You wanna prove you're moved on, let's put it to the test.

So I turn on my speakers, plug them in to the jack
But I wasn't prepared for how it'd feel to listen back
It was a painful little listen back
I had a little listen back
My first and last listen back.

And I heard you cry
And I heard 3 minutes of unfiltered honesty
I realized I still love you.

Tonight I heard 3 distant voices
A trio of myself saying goodbye
I turned over in bed, torn apart by past choices
Time to check the record, the record wouldn't lie.

So I slipped out of bed, made myself a small snack
And I put on my headphones and had another listen back
It was a painful little listen back
I had a little listen back
That was my last listen back.

And I heard us fight, but I was a coward
And I ran away again, that wasn't right
And I can't afford to be a coward anymore.

Another part of adulting is admitting when you're wrong
And doing the hard thing you need to do for yourself
For 8 years I tried to tell myself stay strong
As the guilty of what I'd done destroyed my mental health.

You all know what I'm holding and what I just completed
Though hearing my own voice has never felt this strange
You were right to leave the record, you were right to give me distance
Something deep inside of me is ready now to change.

This time when I listened, I only made it through half
Because with 16 answers of mine missing, I can't just listen back
It's not enough to listen back
I can't just listen back
I have to do more than listen back.

It's not enough to listen back
I can't just listen back
I have to do more than listen back.