A Better Version

My life started when I went for jog
And spotted you in the park
Sitting with a dog
So I stopped and asked, "can I pet your dog?"

And so there we were, me and this golden retriever, basking in the abundance of sun Austin provides. And suddenly, you blurted out.

"This isn't my dog, actually
It's my friend's dog, Sheila
I'm taking care of her while he's away
She's on a lot of medication".

And I laughed, and you laughed
Saying you didn't wanna be found out when you asked me to coffee
That there was no dog
I said yes and you said, "I'm Jase. What's your name?"

And I heard the perfect opportunity
To be someone else entirely
Free from my history
For one single cup of coffee
I would be Natalie.

Obviously that's not how it went down. One cup of coffee turned into two bottles of wine, three desserts and staying up talking until four in the morning. Too late to backpedal. Too good not to keep going.

It felt like my life, but a better version
With you in my life, I was a better person
I heard music in the words you were saying
Melodies with no band playing
For the first time, I was in love
And I loved who I was with you.

All the mundane shit I used to hate
Like recycling plastic and flossing every day
Making breakfast, paying bills
Watering the plants on our window sill
Was invigorated with your sense of wonder.

Pillow talk, afternoon walks
Holding hands in the parking lot of Home Depot
Dealing with inevitable misfortunes that were barely manageable
Like that time we accidentally hit a squirrel with your car.

That was an unfortunate anecdote
Do you know what I mean?

It felt like my life, but a better version
With you in my life, I was a better person
I heard music in the words you were saying
Melodies with no band playing
For the first time I was in love
And I loved who I was with you.

My parents finally tracked me down
After years of jumping from town to town
They found you and me.

Men in suits at our front door
Asking you about Judith Ford
And I knew, instantly.

They say before you die
Your whole life flashes before your very eyes
Well, it didn't the first time
But this time I heard each and every lie.

I'd ever told you
I tried to cling to the life I'd made together with you
So I did the only thing I knew how to
I denied who I was, because.

I wanted to keep my life
But the better version
Natalie, your wife
She was a better person.

I memorized your voice
And how you say goodbye
But you never said goodbye
You never said goodbye.

And I held on to our life
And who I was with you
Who I was with you
Who I was with you.