Unlikely Lovers

[MARVIN]
Who'd believe that we two
Would end up as lovers?

[WHIZZER]
Do you want me to reply?

[MARVIN]
Him and me, you and I
Passionately lovers

[WHIZZER]
Please don't get morbid

[MARVIN]
Right

[WHIZZER]
It's just—

[MARVIN]
Don't fight

[WHIZZER]
That I haven't died yet

[MARVIN]
Just stop it

[WHIZZER]
I'm sick, but kicking

[MARVIN]
Geez

[WHIZZER]
Alright

[MARVIN]
Louise

[WHIZZER]
Good night

[MARVIN]
I'm staying here in this spot
Whether you want me to or not
I'm staying

Here I am, by your side
One old horny lover

[WHIZZER]
Please go home and don't be scared

[MARVIN]
What's the fuss? I'm not scared
What good is a lover who's scared?
Hit me if you need to
Slap my face or hold me till winter
Oh baby, please do
I love you, too
My lover

[WHIZZER]
Marvin, just go home and turn on TV
Drink a little something till you're dead
Think of me around
Sleeping soundly in our bed
Marvin, did you hear what I said?

[MARVIN]
Shut your mouth, go to sleep
Time I met a sailor
Are you sleeping yet or...?
What is what? Whizzer
But I can't help but feeling I've failed
Let's be scared together
Let's pretend that nothing is awful

[WHIZZER]
There's nothing to fear

[MARVIN]
There's nothing to fear

[WHIZZER]
Just stay right here

[MARVIN & WHIZZER]
I love you

[Dr. Charlotte and Cordelia enter]

[CHARLOTTE]
Shhh. Maybe he's tired

[CORDELIA]
Shhh. Maybe he's waiting for us

[CHARLOTTE]
Shhh. Maybe he's waiting for a visit

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Is it a bad time? We'll come back
If it's a bad time, we'll come back
We'll come in

[MARVIN]
Look at us, four old friends
Four unlikely lovers

[CORDELIA]
We don't know what time will bring

[WHIZZER]
I've a clue

[MARVIN]
I have too

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Let's look like we haven't

[MARVIN, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA]
And each say nothing

[WHIZZER]
Sky!

[CHARLOTTE]
It's blue!

[MARVIN]
I love the sky!

[CORDELIA]
I love the trees!

[MARVIN]
I love bad weather!

[CHARLOTTE]
I love the earth beneath my feet!

[WHIZZER]
I love friends that hover!

[MARVIN, WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA]
Gee, we love to eat
And we need something sweet
To love!

What a group we four are
Four unlikely lovers
And we vow that we will
Buy the farm, arm in arm
Four unlikely lovers with heart
Let's be scared together
Let's pretend that nothing is awful

[WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA]
There's nothing to fear

[MARVIN]
There's nothing to fear

[WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA]
Just stay right here

(Whizzer to Marvin, Charlotte to Cordelia)
I love you

[MARVIN (to Whizzer)]
I love you

[WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE, AND CORDELIA (Charlotte/Cordelia to Marvin/Whizzer)]
I love you

[MARVIN (to Charlotte, Cordelia, and Whizzer)]
I love you

[MARVIN, WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA]
Who'd have thought that we four
Would end up as lovers