Settle For Me

[Intro:]
When we're together
I feel so grand
My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap
When I hold your hand
But I know there's another guy
You fancy more
So, even though
I'm not the one you adore
Why not...

[Verse 1:]
Settle for me
Darling, just settle for me
I think you'll have to agree
We make quite a pair
I know I'm only second place in this game
But like two-percent milk or seitan beef
I almost taste the same.

So won't you settle for me
Come on and settle for me
Say yes or no before I choke on all this swallowed pride
I have no problem being picked out from the bottom
If he's your broken condom, I'm Plan B!
So lower those expectations and settle for me.

Am I OK with this?
Totally.

[Interjection:]
Oh sweet, a gown.

[Verse 2:]
Settle for me, babycakes
Just settle for me, schmoopy-pie
I'm begging you please
Can't you see the light?
Sugar jugs, I'm so bereft
Demeaning terms are all that I have left
Of my masculinity
So settle for me.

[Interjection:]
So twirly!

[Bridge:]
Little girl
Don't make me feel like a little girl
Exposed and raw
Whose boobs can't even fill a training bra.

Let's pretend I didn't say that.
Settle for me
It's a practical proposal
Settle for me
It makes a certain sense.

He's a fantasy
But hey let's think this through
Yes, Josh is a dream, but I'm right here
In flesh and blood and self-hate.

Settle for me
In a sad way, darling, it's fate.

You're like Rocky Five to Rocky.

Solange to Beyoncé
Not asking to be your fiancé.

But if tonight or tomorrow
If you happen to be free
Maybe, just maybe
Settle for me!