Miracle (Part 2)

A baby, mrs wormwood. A child. The most precious gift the natural world can bestow upon us has been handed to you. A brand new human being! A life. A person. A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder!

Oh, bloody hell!
Every life i bring into this world
Restores my faith in human kind
Push, mrs wormwood, push!
I'll push you in a minute!

Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted
This still, unbroken skin
This uncorrupted mind.

Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely
The chances of existence almost infinitely small
The most common thing in life is life.

And yet every single life
Every new life
Is a miracle!
Miracle!

(enters, puffing on a cigarette)
Where is he? Where's my son?
Mr wormwood! Are you smoking a cigarette?

What? Oh, of course. [he throws the cigarette into the audience.] I'm sorry, doctor. What am i thinking? This calls for a proper smoke. [he takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing.

This is one of the most beautiful children i've ever seen
Mr wormwood unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in
Oh, my good lord. Where's his fingie?
His what?
His fingie. His whatchamacallit. His do-dah. What've you done with his fingie?
This child doesn't have a "thingie"
What? A boy with no fingie? Look what you've done, you stupid woman. This boy's got no fingie
Mr wormwood! This child is a girl. A beautiful, beautiful little girl.
Is there still time for the bi-annual inter-championship amateur sausage

Dance competition's over. You missed it. [he brings out a load of cash and starts leafing through it.] Look, i don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we?
This is the worst day of my life!