Fuckton Of Cats

It's come to this
Like I knew it would
Since I'm now
Single for good.

I know just what
I gotta do
I gotta go get myself
A fuckton of cats!

A fuckton of cats!
A fuckton of cats!
Way too many cats!

When you're a permanent bachelorette
It's mandatory that you go out and get
A fuckton of cats!
Oh yeah!

I walk myself down to the lonely lady cat store
The smell is overwhelming inside
This is the future smell of my house
It's the smell of my dreams that have died.

I walk up to the cat shelf
Where the cats are labeled big and small
The sales lady asks, "Is there one you like?"
And I state, "I'll take them all!"
I want a fuckton of cats!

Meow! A fuckton of cats!
Gimme a fuckton of cats!
Meow! A fuckton of cats! Meow!

The sales lady's pumped
She's closing early
And heading home to her sad walk-up apartment
Filled with her own fuckton of cats!

Meow, meow, meow
That she got at a discount
Meow, meow, meow
'Cause she works at the cat store.

Meow, meow, meow
Meow, meow, meow
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Why have cats, over time, become
Synonymous with loneliness?
We gotta work on our collective image
We need a new publicist.

The ironic part is we're not that friendly
If you're lonely, we might make it worse
Also, we sleep, like, sixteen hours a day
Have you considered getting a dog?

Nope! I want a fuckton of you guys!
Okay, we warned you
A fuckton of cats!
We're gonna ruin your couch
There's a lot of evidence that
Organisms in cat poop make you crazy.

Yes, we saw that article in the Atlantic
And then we peed on the Atlantic
But I still want a fuckton of cats!